Busy, busy day ! Yargh. In fact - busy busy weekend ! No time to be creative ! I apologise to those of you wanting more of the geek list. It's coming ( like Christmas is ).
But for now - ten things about the Video Games Live concert !
1. It was awesome !
2. It was a concert organised by some American gaming dudes ( like, "in the industry" gaming dudes - not just some weedy gamers ), performed by the Wellington Orchestra and playing a selection of music from video game scores.
3. The opening number was a medley of tunes from various coin-ops - starting with Pong and ending with ... ummmm ... I can't really remember. I think it might have been Outrun. There were all kinds of stuff in there ( games that stand out in my mind are Robotron, Rastan Saga - I've always LOVED the music of Rastan - Gauntlet, Tempest, Space-Invaders and Donkey Kong ).
4. There were a few competitions - the coolest being a Space-Invader one - the guy from the audience who played was movement keyed into the wee tank - so where he moved, the tank moved. While he played the orchestra played the 'music' ( which consisted of that freaky 'dumm-DUMM' footstep thing, slowly getting faster and faster ). He had six lives - and he had to clear the entire screen in two and a half minutes. He got wiped out.
5. The second contest was for a $4000 laptop ! It was a frogger challenge - I didn't get chosen ( despite the frantic amount of waving I did ... ). The two guys went head to head - the winner a guy who looked pretty stoned ( when asked if he was ready, he replied "WELL DONE!!!" - freaking hippy ... ). I could blitzed them no sweat. Still - it was cool listening to live 'Frogger' music.
6. There were people dressed up as video game characters there. I thought they were some pretty massive geeks ... until I found out there was a 'dress-up' contest. A guy dressed as Sonic the Hedgehog won - it was a pretty cool costume. For a hedgehog.
7. The music I think I liked most was a collection of tunes from the "Metal Gear" games. They even had a guy in a cardboard box sneaking by a guard on stage. It was pretty hilarious. ( If you've never played Metal Gear - then that'll mean nothing to you ). The stuff they did from "God of War" was pretty damn cool too.
8. Square soft were the only software company that didn't let them use footage from their games. Jerks.
9. The visuals for "Medal of Honour" were actually real footage from WW2. It was surprisingly moving.
10. Water is ridiculously expensive at concerts! Bastards !
Monday, February 26, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
The Vanishing
Holy flipping cow man ! Over the past week I have lost 1.5 kgs ! I'm almost in my target weight zone of 84-86 kgs - freaking awesome ! I'm currently weighing in at 86.1 kgs.
Both Viva and I have dropped over 4k in the last month. So that's more than a k a week.
It's incredible how changing what you eat and doing some exercise can make such a radical change. I'm eating SOOOOO much less bread and cheese and ... well ... processed CRAP now. It's pretty staggering. We used to go through like three loaves of bread plus - now, maybe 1. Some weeks - a half.
And it's not like I've been starving myself either. I've been to a few BBQ's where I've jammed my face with a goodly amount of tasty tasty food. It's mostly been getting over the ghost hunger in my head - the hunger that makes me eat when I'm not hungry. That's the killer.
And limiting pizza consumption. That wasn't doing me any favours either ...
Both Viva and I have dropped over 4k in the last month. So that's more than a k a week.
It's incredible how changing what you eat and doing some exercise can make such a radical change. I'm eating SOOOOO much less bread and cheese and ... well ... processed CRAP now. It's pretty staggering. We used to go through like three loaves of bread plus - now, maybe 1. Some weeks - a half.
And it's not like I've been starving myself either. I've been to a few BBQ's where I've jammed my face with a goodly amount of tasty tasty food. It's mostly been getting over the ghost hunger in my head - the hunger that makes me eat when I'm not hungry. That's the killer.
And limiting pizza consumption. That wasn't doing me any favours either ...
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Where I alienate more of my friends
I guess it's important to distinguish the difference between a 'nerd' and a 'geek' before we go too much further.
Viva had this useful insight : "A nerd is someone who can apply their knowledge in a useful ( and money earning ) way. A geek has impressive knowledge and skill - but not in an especially practical sense".
I hope that's a definition you can live with - because it's what I'm using here. I'm pretty sure there are some of you thinking "Hey! By that definition I'm a nerd! I don't wanna be a nerd ! I always thought of myself as more a geek - that sounds slightly sexier ! Don't take my slight sexiness away ! Please !!!". Well, tough luck nerd ! Suck it up and deal ! Sheesh ! Freaking nerds...
Anyway. You'll see that my strata of geekdom is generally split among 'gamers' and 'fanboys'. Enough of the preamble ! Onto ...
Seraph's pecking order of Geeks (v1)
2. Comic aficionados
Comics are great. ... Well, some of them anyway. Your 'Comic Aficionado' ( henceforth 'CA' ) knows this, and knows it well. They are well versed in various important story arcs, writers and illustrators - sometimes to an obsessive degree. The kind of CA who ranks in highest in this subgroup is the one with a diversified portfolio - one who will follow a good story indifferent to the publishing house. They display ( usually ) a levelheaded individual, displaying creativity, imagination and an appreciation of cool art work.
BUT. Dragging the whole group down are the more 'rabid' fan-boys. The ones who will ONLY read the publications of ONE imprint, or ( worse ) only read ONE comic ( buying ten copies of the same issue because they have different covers, for example ). These 'rabid' CA's are usually identifiable by the maniacal gleam in their eyes, but a more telling test is by t-shirt. If you see a CA wearing two different t-shirts which bear characters from the SAME comic - they are rabid. Anyone under the age of 14 is exempt from this rule.
Another good test ( though slightly harder to administer ) is the tattoo test. Do they have a tattoo of a super-hero of some sort? If so - they're rabid.
NB: REAL 'red-lights' here are tattoos of Wolverine, Spiderman and the Green Lantern. They must be of the actual character though. The 'red-S' of Superman, the 'bat-symbol' or the 'lantern symbol', do not necessarily denote rabidness ( though they don't discount it either - whichever way it goes, they're not particularly smart ideas for tattoos and might get you into intellectual property right hot-water ).
Rabid CA's are best left alone. They take their devotion a little too far into the 'crazy-zone', and do not appreciate good-natured jokes about their favourite hero guys or gals ( and, in my experience, it is ALWAYS a superhero which is the object of their fevered worship ). If you happen to notice the rabid CA's knuckles turn white if you say hero guy/girl's arch-nemesis 'rocks' - run. Run and don't look back.
Okay - so there you have the second tier. Who will be number three ? Tune in again and find out !
Viva had this useful insight : "A nerd is someone who can apply their knowledge in a useful ( and money earning ) way. A geek has impressive knowledge and skill - but not in an especially practical sense".
I hope that's a definition you can live with - because it's what I'm using here. I'm pretty sure there are some of you thinking "Hey! By that definition I'm a nerd! I don't wanna be a nerd ! I always thought of myself as more a geek - that sounds slightly sexier ! Don't take my slight sexiness away ! Please !!!". Well, tough luck nerd ! Suck it up and deal ! Sheesh ! Freaking nerds...
Anyway. You'll see that my strata of geekdom is generally split among 'gamers' and 'fanboys'. Enough of the preamble ! Onto ...
Seraph's pecking order of Geeks (v1)
2. Comic aficionados
Comics are great. ... Well, some of them anyway. Your 'Comic Aficionado' ( henceforth 'CA' ) knows this, and knows it well. They are well versed in various important story arcs, writers and illustrators - sometimes to an obsessive degree. The kind of CA who ranks in highest in this subgroup is the one with a diversified portfolio - one who will follow a good story indifferent to the publishing house. They display ( usually ) a levelheaded individual, displaying creativity, imagination and an appreciation of cool art work.
BUT. Dragging the whole group down are the more 'rabid' fan-boys. The ones who will ONLY read the publications of ONE imprint, or ( worse ) only read ONE comic ( buying ten copies of the same issue because they have different covers, for example ). These 'rabid' CA's are usually identifiable by the maniacal gleam in their eyes, but a more telling test is by t-shirt. If you see a CA wearing two different t-shirts which bear characters from the SAME comic - they are rabid. Anyone under the age of 14 is exempt from this rule.
Another good test ( though slightly harder to administer ) is the tattoo test. Do they have a tattoo of a super-hero of some sort? If so - they're rabid.
NB: REAL 'red-lights' here are tattoos of Wolverine, Spiderman and the Green Lantern. They must be of the actual character though. The 'red-S' of Superman, the 'bat-symbol' or the 'lantern symbol', do not necessarily denote rabidness ( though they don't discount it either - whichever way it goes, they're not particularly smart ideas for tattoos and might get you into intellectual property right hot-water ).
Rabid CA's are best left alone. They take their devotion a little too far into the 'crazy-zone', and do not appreciate good-natured jokes about their favourite hero guys or gals ( and, in my experience, it is ALWAYS a superhero which is the object of their fevered worship ). If you happen to notice the rabid CA's knuckles turn white if you say hero guy/girl's arch-nemesis 'rocks' - run. Run and don't look back.
Okay - so there you have the second tier. Who will be number three ? Tune in again and find out !
Monday, February 19, 2007
Ranking Geeks
A friend of mine caught me at some party I was at last year and said to me “I didn’t know you played battletech!”.
He may as well said “I didn’t know you were a dung-eating baby rapist!”
Apparently “Death From Above” is some term for a combat move in the Battletech game ( I think it is where your massive robot war-machine launches itself into the stratosphere and comes hurtling down on an enemy massive robot war-machine, crushing the ever-lovin’ snot out of it ). Had I know this – I would have probably named the blog “Like You Care” ( my original, if somewhat negative, idea ).
Why am I telling you this ? After I had given my friend a chance to explain himself and beg for his life – my mind turned to the hierarchy of geekdom. Which geeks occupy which strata of the geek pecking order ?
It’s something which has kept me thinking on and off for the last few months. I was going to start writing about this ages ago, but one thought stayed my hand.
I’m going to offend just about everyone I know doing that.
It was a problem I wrestled with for a good long time. I rationalize things this way :
1. I will belong to just about every one of the groups and sub-groups.
And, more importantly:
2. Screw ‘em if they can’t take a joke !
And so – in the interest of science and furthering the legacy of mankind, I present to you …
SERAPH’S HIERARCHY OF GEEKDOM (v1)
1.
Board-GamersComing in at number one and occupying the highest level on the social power level – the board gamers. Board gamers tend to have the most social cross-over of any of the geek pursuits. A good board game will draw in Normals with their intricate shapes-designs-colours, strong and ( usually ) fairly engaging themes and general levels of fun. Show me someone who wouldn’t enjoy a game like “Modern Art”, and I’ll show you a cold-hearted miserly soul who should be committed to an asylum before they ritually murder someone.
Board-Game Geeks are able to engage in lively social discourse while gaming, are fun to be around, generally have excellent levels of presentation and self-grooming. They also tend to great in thinking on their feet, adapting to new situations, and have extensive vocabularies. Board-Game Geeks tend to fit in so well with Normals, they often can be mistaken for them. Normals with only discover their true nature when they attempt a ‘conversion’ – inviting unsuspecting Normals to their houses ( or ‘lairs’ ) where they will wile them with good food, fine wine – and then introduce the idea of ‘just a quick game’ of something. Maybe something disarming like “Settlers of Catan”. The unsuspecting Normal – their senses scrambled, will usually agree. Much like H. Giger’s Alien – the Board-Game Geek with implant it’s egg in the warm head-meats of it’s victim, ensuring the propagation of the species and a new generation of devotees.
The only thing standing in the way of a global New World Order of Board-Game Geeks is the mental block that society introduces at a very early age.
The name of this block is called "Monopoly". The Mental lesions this 'game' ( in fact - it is less of a game and more 'an incitement to riot' and a 'just cause to make blood-kin ingest significant amounts of plastic hotels' ) causes, and the subsequent traumatic scarring generally mean that the Board-Game Geek has their work cut out for them in 'converting' Normals ( even with REALLY good blueberry muffins ), and thus their society is preserved, despite the in-roads that the wily Board-Game Geek has made in recent years.
Board-Game Geeks make top of the list eh ? Who would have thought it ? So - just which group comes in at number 2 ? Stay tuned, gentle reader. Stay tuned.
Like you care...
For those who were interested, here are the official 'Round The Bays" results for Seraph :
Time : 51 minutes, 39 seconds ( damn ! I could have SWORN that I ran that in under 45min ! Still - that's pretty good for me ! )
Placing : 2859 ( out of approx 10,000 - again, not bad )
I see our trainer at the life-style and fitness class Viva and I go to got 1.15 - but she was walking it. I'll take my victories where I can though ! Hee hee hee !
Time : 51 minutes, 39 seconds ( damn ! I could have SWORN that I ran that in under 45min ! Still - that's pretty good for me ! )
Placing : 2859 ( out of approx 10,000 - again, not bad )
I see our trainer at the life-style and fitness class Viva and I go to got 1.15 - but she was walking it. I'll take my victories where I can though ! Hee hee hee !
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Fun run ? Surely not !
Occurring in the 'momentous things' section of Seraph today - I took part in the Wellington "Round the Bays' run/walk/saunter/swagger/perambulation event.
What is more - I managed to jog the entire thing !
Amazing !
While I realise that 7.2km isn't the run at marathon - it's still pretty impressive considering the mass of flabby gristle I used to be not that long ago. My morning 3.2 hill jogs saw me in good stead as I flew past all manner of octogenarians, small girls and people in wheel-chairs.
Seriously though - I was pretty pleased with myself. I thought I'd be able to keep a jog for most of the way - but I didn't think I'd be able to sustain it for the entire run. I was very surprised ( in that happy kind of way ) when I got to the half-way point and I was still pretty energised ! I even managed to pick up the pace in the last k to beat my race nemesis. BOTH of them.
To explain - As I was running I noticed this pair of young women with the predatory look of seasoned runners. The two kept mocking me by running past at a fair pace, when relaxing and walking - so I would pass them. They did this about five times. In the last k, when they passed me again I thought "That's IT. You're going down, you smug gym-bunny freaks !". I picked up the pace to shadow them with burning myself out - and when they stopped to walk ( as I KNEW they would ) I sped up even more - ensuring that the gap between up would be insurmountable by the time they started running again ! FOOLS ! Too late they saw my devious plan ! Victory was mine !
( Yeah - I KNOW they didn't even notice me as we were running - but that was my little internal narrative that kept me going. )
I finished in under 45 minutes. I'll have to check the transponder times tomorrow and see what I got exactly. Exciting !
And I got a free t-shirt and BBQ meal at Viva's work's corporate enclosure ! It doesn't get better than that.
What is more - I managed to jog the entire thing !
Amazing !
While I realise that 7.2km isn't the run at marathon - it's still pretty impressive considering the mass of flabby gristle I used to be not that long ago. My morning 3.2 hill jogs saw me in good stead as I flew past all manner of octogenarians, small girls and people in wheel-chairs.
Seriously though - I was pretty pleased with myself. I thought I'd be able to keep a jog for most of the way - but I didn't think I'd be able to sustain it for the entire run. I was very surprised ( in that happy kind of way ) when I got to the half-way point and I was still pretty energised ! I even managed to pick up the pace in the last k to beat my race nemesis. BOTH of them.
To explain - As I was running I noticed this pair of young women with the predatory look of seasoned runners. The two kept mocking me by running past at a fair pace, when relaxing and walking - so I would pass them. They did this about five times. In the last k, when they passed me again I thought "That's IT. You're going down, you smug gym-bunny freaks !". I picked up the pace to shadow them with burning myself out - and when they stopped to walk ( as I KNEW they would ) I sped up even more - ensuring that the gap between up would be insurmountable by the time they started running again ! FOOLS ! Too late they saw my devious plan ! Victory was mine !
( Yeah - I KNOW they didn't even notice me as we were running - but that was my little internal narrative that kept me going. )
I finished in under 45 minutes. I'll have to check the transponder times tomorrow and see what I got exactly. Exciting !
And I got a free t-shirt and BBQ meal at Viva's work's corporate enclosure ! It doesn't get better than that.
Friday, February 16, 2007
I'd watch THAT show !
Hey gang! The system shock of going back to work is starting to fade to a consistent throbbing of my frontal lobes, so I'm able to actually write something. Yay for frontal lobe throbage !
The joy of going back to work is being able to talk to like-minded individuals. Well - sorta-minded individuals would be a better term. Anyway - when I got a chance to go and hang out at the staff room for a bit ( I've been doing a lot of catch-up stuff for the school production - auditioning for the parts of TREES for heaven's sake ... you would not BELIEVE the amount of students who expressly WANTED to be fecking TREES ! ) the conversation turned from renovation to the tv show "Mitre 10 Dream Home".
It was generally agreed that said show was a 'feel good' piece of crap - mostly for the reasons that, in the end, BOTH teams actually end up getting the house SOMEHOW. One team wins it - the other team get to borrow enough money to buy it ( at, a pretty sizable reduction it seems ).
What kind of game show it this ? If you're going to have a competition, then there must be a loser ! I'm afraid that the "Dream Home" definition of 'loser' does NOT measure up !
My group of TV consultants have a solution though. On the teams' completion of their entire projects - both houses are rigged up with enough dynamite to level a parking building. When the winner is announced - the losing house is detonated ! EXPLODO ! See their sad little faces ! No retractable ceiling mounted film screen ! Little Billy's room ? Now not so much a room, more a mass of twisted wreckage ! The dream kitchen ? Shattered and smouldering ! The only sounds you hear in the silence that follows are the victory chants of the winners - and the cries and lamentation of the vanquished !
Man - I, for one, would be tuning into that show ! There arn't nearly enough explosions in home renovation programs.
The joy of going back to work is being able to talk to like-minded individuals. Well - sorta-minded individuals would be a better term. Anyway - when I got a chance to go and hang out at the staff room for a bit ( I've been doing a lot of catch-up stuff for the school production - auditioning for the parts of TREES for heaven's sake ... you would not BELIEVE the amount of students who expressly WANTED to be fecking TREES ! ) the conversation turned from renovation to the tv show "Mitre 10 Dream Home".
It was generally agreed that said show was a 'feel good' piece of crap - mostly for the reasons that, in the end, BOTH teams actually end up getting the house SOMEHOW. One team wins it - the other team get to borrow enough money to buy it ( at, a pretty sizable reduction it seems ).
What kind of game show it this ? If you're going to have a competition, then there must be a loser ! I'm afraid that the "Dream Home" definition of 'loser' does NOT measure up !
My group of TV consultants have a solution though. On the teams' completion of their entire projects - both houses are rigged up with enough dynamite to level a parking building. When the winner is announced - the losing house is detonated ! EXPLODO ! See their sad little faces ! No retractable ceiling mounted film screen ! Little Billy's room ? Now not so much a room, more a mass of twisted wreckage ! The dream kitchen ? Shattered and smouldering ! The only sounds you hear in the silence that follows are the victory chants of the winners - and the cries and lamentation of the vanquished !
Man - I, for one, would be tuning into that show ! There arn't nearly enough explosions in home renovation programs.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
When Harry KILLED Sally...
This is very VERY good.
Funnily enough, it create the feeling of skin-crawling dread I get when I contemplate watching the real thing. Go figure.
Funnily enough, it create the feeling of skin-crawling dread I get when I contemplate watching the real thing. Go figure.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Easter ... in February ?
What the hell is going on here ? I'm at the supermarket - they're selling hot cross buns ! I'm at the bakery - they're selling HOT CROSS BUNS !!
When 'holiday' things get hauled out too early it spoils the whole point of having the special holiday thing ! Hot cross buns and Easter eggs get commonplace when they're being sold for almost a quarter of the year ! It's only just freaking February ! Isn't Easter in flipping April ths year ? I get really aggravatedWAAAAAAAAY before the actual date! You shouldn't be allowed to sell hot cross buns OR Easter eggs until it's a month away. Or you should get shot ! In the spleen ! With a ... rabbit!
The same thing goes for people talking about Christmas being mentioned before December! ( only in this case you should be shot FROM a cannon ... into ... the sun ! ).
Grrrr and double grrrrr !
( Mind you - those hot cross buns from Nada bakery taste pretty damn good ! )
When 'holiday' things get hauled out too early it spoils the whole point of having the special holiday thing ! Hot cross buns and Easter eggs get commonplace when they're being sold for almost a quarter of the year ! It's only just freaking February ! Isn't Easter in flipping April ths year ? I get really aggravatedWAAAAAAAAY before the actual date! You shouldn't be allowed to sell hot cross buns OR Easter eggs until it's a month away. Or you should get shot ! In the spleen ! With a ... rabbit!
The same thing goes for people talking about Christmas being mentioned before December! ( only in this case you should be shot FROM a cannon ... into ... the sun ! ).
Grrrr and double grrrrr !
( Mind you - those hot cross buns from Nada bakery taste pretty damn good ! )
Thursday, February 01, 2007
This ever happen to you ?
I awoke to a moment of gut-wrenching terror this morning - the assignment I had to have done today was late ! Even worse - I hadn't even started it ! Why had I left it till the last minute ? Why had I done NO study or prep towards it AT ALL ??? It was a maths assignment too ! I'm TERRIBLE at maths ! Panic panic panic ...
Then I stopped. "Wait a cotton picking minute here..."
I wasn't a student in any kind of way, shape or form. I didn't have an assignment to complete - and if I DID have one, no way in hell was it going to be maths.
I had dreamt the whole freaking thing. Cue a moment of sublime relief.
I HATE those cross-over dreams! I put it down to going back to school.
Then I stopped. "Wait a cotton picking minute here..."
I wasn't a student in any kind of way, shape or form. I didn't have an assignment to complete - and if I DID have one, no way in hell was it going to be maths.
I had dreamt the whole freaking thing. Cue a moment of sublime relief.
I HATE those cross-over dreams! I put it down to going back to school.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Vague review - Snakes on a Plane
Y'know - I REALLY wanted to like this film. I really really did.
I remember being to angry and frustrated that I was too busy when it was at theatres and couldn't see in on the big screen. I think it's a good thing now - there would have been a repeat of the "Dare Devil" meltdown I suffered, putting life and limb in jeopardy in the greater Wellington region.
Why did so many of my ( seemingly ) rational and ( more so than I ) clued-up-about-films friends say it was good ? Why mama ? Why they make me cry so ?
The only thing I can put it down to is some kind of weird "Emperor's New Clothes" syndrome. The way I figure - the hype for the film made it out to be some kind of z-grade tour-de-force of hilarity, and I think a LOT of people I know invested heavily in that hype, and come hell or high water - it WAS going to be the best motherf**king film OF ALL TIME.
Only it wasn't. It was bollocks.
And no - this is not a matter of taste or perception ! It was a BAAAAAAAAAAAAD film ! Bad bad bad ! Just because it has Samuel L. Jackson is in it and he says 'motherf**ker' a couple of times DOES NOT make a film GOOD.
And NO - it is not a 'brilliantly observed parody of the genre' or even 'fun' !! It is BOLLOCKS ! Great big hairy sweaty mammoth bollocks from the planet Big-Bollocks!
Anyway - when said film revealed it's seriously shitty carapace in all it's glory - I think many of of my highly intelligent and savvy film watching pals simply ignored what they had seen and ( maybe even at a subconscious level ) told themselves that it was indeed a great film.
Dammit - it's not a film ! It's more like some kind of freaky mind-control virus !
Sigh. But in the spirit of of goodwill I hearby offer general forgiveness for all of you who told me this heinous ziggurat of bollocks was worth seeing. I can see it wasn't your fault. It was those marketing guys who made you want it so much. Those guys are such dicks.
If you haven't seen it yet - just put that DVD case BAAAAAACK on the shelf SLOOOOOWY, walk over to the other side of the shop and rent something else. You'll be doing the right thing.
2 out of 10.
I remember being to angry and frustrated that I was too busy when it was at theatres and couldn't see in on the big screen. I think it's a good thing now - there would have been a repeat of the "Dare Devil" meltdown I suffered, putting life and limb in jeopardy in the greater Wellington region.
Why did so many of my ( seemingly ) rational and ( more so than I ) clued-up-about-films friends say it was good ? Why mama ? Why they make me cry so ?
The only thing I can put it down to is some kind of weird "Emperor's New Clothes" syndrome. The way I figure - the hype for the film made it out to be some kind of z-grade tour-de-force of hilarity, and I think a LOT of people I know invested heavily in that hype, and come hell or high water - it WAS going to be the best motherf**king film OF ALL TIME.
Only it wasn't. It was bollocks.
And no - this is not a matter of taste or perception ! It was a BAAAAAAAAAAAAD film ! Bad bad bad ! Just because it has Samuel L. Jackson is in it and he says 'motherf**ker' a couple of times DOES NOT make a film GOOD.
And NO - it is not a 'brilliantly observed parody of the genre' or even 'fun' !! It is BOLLOCKS ! Great big hairy sweaty mammoth bollocks from the planet Big-Bollocks!
Anyway - when said film revealed it's seriously shitty carapace in all it's glory - I think many of of my highly intelligent and savvy film watching pals simply ignored what they had seen and ( maybe even at a subconscious level ) told themselves that it was indeed a great film.
Dammit - it's not a film ! It's more like some kind of freaky mind-control virus !
Sigh. But in the spirit of of goodwill I hearby offer general forgiveness for all of you who told me this heinous ziggurat of bollocks was worth seeing. I can see it wasn't your fault. It was those marketing guys who made you want it so much. Those guys are such dicks.
If you haven't seen it yet - just put that DVD case BAAAAAACK on the shelf SLOOOOOWY, walk over to the other side of the shop and rent something else. You'll be doing the right thing.
2 out of 10.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
The cautionary tale of the hand-towel holder
I am not the most handy of people in terms of fixing things.
I try though.
Halfway though last year the metal ringy thingy of the hand towel holder in our toilet just ... fell off the wall mounting. On closer inspection I saw that the actual screw thread was inside the wall mounted dealy - and that the ring connector had this infuriatingly square hole - meaning you couldn't just shove the ring connector back in and twist.
The wall mount would NOT come off either. It was fixed to the wall quite snugly.
"How the hell are you supposed to fix this without hacking it off the wall?" I asked myself. "There's no way! Who would make something THIS impractical ?" I mused.
For the next few months we had the hand towel on the windowsill. It would mock me, silently.
"Wow Seraph - you are REALLY useful around here. You can't get little'ole me to hang in my rightful place on the wall ..." and such.
Finally I could bear it's silent accusations no longer. I swore that by sunset that day - come hell or high water - the hand towel holder would be fixed. I'd show that freaking inanimate object a thing or two !
Looking at the wall mount more closely - I could see some sort of plastic housing around the screws holding it onto the wall. "Ah-HA! The PLASTIC is keeping this thing from coming lose ! The thread for the screw is OBVIOUSLY behind the fitting - all I need to do is cut the plastic !"
Out came the industrial craft-blade - and I attacked the plastic coating like some sort of demented axe-man.
A good half hour and two sliced fingers later ( left thumb, right index ) when I was sure I had cut though the plastic and the wall mount stayed implacably glued to the wall - I decided that drastic situations called for drastic measures. I would have to saw through the screws themselves.
I wrecked the first hacksaw trying to get it off - but the second larger one I used was more fit for the job - and a frustrating job it was, I had to precariously level the mount out as much as I could to wedge the hacksaw blade in the gap - and then use all the skills of a circus contortionist to perform the sawing motion in the enclosed space of the toilet. Many expletives were uttered with increasing fury.
But my patience was rewarded. Another half hour or so I had sliced though the screw, and the mounting fell to the tiled floor of the lav. Now the hole is the tiled wall were bunged up with screws without any kind of surface I could neatly grip onto with my pliers, and were quite securely fixed in the holes by what I could now see were expanding plastic screw housings. I tried for ten - fifteen minutes to grab and pull out the crippled crews with the feeble tools I had, but it was futile.
I trip to the hardware shop was executed - a pair of needle nose pliers, new screws and plastic expanding housings were purchased.
The new pliers worked - though is was still tricky in the enclosed space to pry them out. But out I got them.
Finally - the path to restoring the hand-towel holder was clear. All I had to do was figure out HOW to get the ring back on the mount. There was no screw-head at the back of the holder !! What was going on ? How the hell were you supposed to FIX this fecking thing ??!?
I turned the mount upside down.
There was a tiny screw there. Quite visible. It was obvious. You undid the screw - the outer housing came off the wall - you screwed the ring back on, and attached it back to the wall.
I had taken a good two and a half hours, spent $20, slashed up two of my fingers, and wrecked a perfectly good wall housing which I would have to reattach now - on a situation which should have taken me about 30 seconds to remedy.
I think you could have heard the screams of bitter rage from the south pole.
Still - I'll know what to do next time.
I try though.
Halfway though last year the metal ringy thingy of the hand towel holder in our toilet just ... fell off the wall mounting. On closer inspection I saw that the actual screw thread was inside the wall mounted dealy - and that the ring connector had this infuriatingly square hole - meaning you couldn't just shove the ring connector back in and twist.
The wall mount would NOT come off either. It was fixed to the wall quite snugly.
"How the hell are you supposed to fix this without hacking it off the wall?" I asked myself. "There's no way! Who would make something THIS impractical ?" I mused.
For the next few months we had the hand towel on the windowsill. It would mock me, silently.
"Wow Seraph - you are REALLY useful around here. You can't get little'ole me to hang in my rightful place on the wall ..." and such.
Finally I could bear it's silent accusations no longer. I swore that by sunset that day - come hell or high water - the hand towel holder would be fixed. I'd show that freaking inanimate object a thing or two !
Looking at the wall mount more closely - I could see some sort of plastic housing around the screws holding it onto the wall. "Ah-HA! The PLASTIC is keeping this thing from coming lose ! The thread for the screw is OBVIOUSLY behind the fitting - all I need to do is cut the plastic !"
Out came the industrial craft-blade - and I attacked the plastic coating like some sort of demented axe-man.
A good half hour and two sliced fingers later ( left thumb, right index ) when I was sure I had cut though the plastic and the wall mount stayed implacably glued to the wall - I decided that drastic situations called for drastic measures. I would have to saw through the screws themselves.
I wrecked the first hacksaw trying to get it off - but the second larger one I used was more fit for the job - and a frustrating job it was, I had to precariously level the mount out as much as I could to wedge the hacksaw blade in the gap - and then use all the skills of a circus contortionist to perform the sawing motion in the enclosed space of the toilet. Many expletives were uttered with increasing fury.
But my patience was rewarded. Another half hour or so I had sliced though the screw, and the mounting fell to the tiled floor of the lav. Now the hole is the tiled wall were bunged up with screws without any kind of surface I could neatly grip onto with my pliers, and were quite securely fixed in the holes by what I could now see were expanding plastic screw housings. I tried for ten - fifteen minutes to grab and pull out the crippled crews with the feeble tools I had, but it was futile.
I trip to the hardware shop was executed - a pair of needle nose pliers, new screws and plastic expanding housings were purchased.
The new pliers worked - though is was still tricky in the enclosed space to pry them out. But out I got them.
Finally - the path to restoring the hand-towel holder was clear. All I had to do was figure out HOW to get the ring back on the mount. There was no screw-head at the back of the holder !! What was going on ? How the hell were you supposed to FIX this fecking thing ??!?
I turned the mount upside down.
There was a tiny screw there. Quite visible. It was obvious. You undid the screw - the outer housing came off the wall - you screwed the ring back on, and attached it back to the wall.
I had taken a good two and a half hours, spent $20, slashed up two of my fingers, and wrecked a perfectly good wall housing which I would have to reattach now - on a situation which should have taken me about 30 seconds to remedy.
I think you could have heard the screams of bitter rage from the south pole.
Still - I'll know what to do next time.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Who is Ginger Tom?
I was round at Jenni's place on Tuesday - planning for our next RP game, a scenario based around a X-Men styled school for superheroes - only we're going to be delinquent punks and the school is going to be more like a brat-camp / last chance before the big house type deal.
As we were planning prospective charaters ( I'm going to play a guy who can turn into various other elements, but also we a touch of regeneration - the guy was trying to get high with his friends, but his regeneration kicked in and processed out the drugs instantly. The guy starts trying stronger and stronger drugs - all with the same result - before being rumbled buying / using / getting-caught-stealing-to-buy heroin ) and the topic of secondary characters came up.
We came up with this guy who calls himself "The Skink", who has fantastic plans for being a superhero - but has NO powers which are useful ( he might have a detachable tail ). A rather sad and melancholy character really - he'll have his costume, his patented 'skink-sycle' and stuff - but ultimately be rather useless.
We were thinking of a possible nemesis for The Skink, and I said something along the lines that it should be a cat ( thinking of how much Shadow likes to catch skinks, put them on the slippery tiles, and watch them try and run away ). Jenni mentioned the name "Ginger Tom". That really struck a cord with me - it was such a good name ! Not in a superhero sense perhaps, but it's a great name for a character.
I've been trying to work out who Ginger Tom could be. So far I think he might be some kind of sky-pirate in a kind of techno-magic steam-punk styled fantasy setting. I can imagine him swinging from the rigging of his corvette-blimp, a pair of flintlock pistols slung low on his belt, a weathered fencing blade at his hip. He has a strange perchant for high tea and is trying to work out why his new design for attack kites is failing so badly. His first mate is a Moor, on the run from Sorcerers in the East. I think at least one member of his crew is a robot - probably clockwork. He's the kind of guy I think I could come up with a story about !
Does the name mean anything to you ? Who do you think Ginger Tom is ?
As we were planning prospective charaters ( I'm going to play a guy who can turn into various other elements, but also we a touch of regeneration - the guy was trying to get high with his friends, but his regeneration kicked in and processed out the drugs instantly. The guy starts trying stronger and stronger drugs - all with the same result - before being rumbled buying / using / getting-caught-stealing-to-buy heroin ) and the topic of secondary characters came up.
We came up with this guy who calls himself "The Skink", who has fantastic plans for being a superhero - but has NO powers which are useful ( he might have a detachable tail ). A rather sad and melancholy character really - he'll have his costume, his patented 'skink-sycle' and stuff - but ultimately be rather useless.
We were thinking of a possible nemesis for The Skink, and I said something along the lines that it should be a cat ( thinking of how much Shadow likes to catch skinks, put them on the slippery tiles, and watch them try and run away ). Jenni mentioned the name "Ginger Tom". That really struck a cord with me - it was such a good name ! Not in a superhero sense perhaps, but it's a great name for a character.
I've been trying to work out who Ginger Tom could be. So far I think he might be some kind of sky-pirate in a kind of techno-magic steam-punk styled fantasy setting. I can imagine him swinging from the rigging of his corvette-blimp, a pair of flintlock pistols slung low on his belt, a weathered fencing blade at his hip. He has a strange perchant for high tea and is trying to work out why his new design for attack kites is failing so badly. His first mate is a Moor, on the run from Sorcerers in the East. I think at least one member of his crew is a robot - probably clockwork. He's the kind of guy I think I could come up with a story about !
Does the name mean anything to you ? Who do you think Ginger Tom is ?
Thursday, January 25, 2007
The Northland Holiday Top Ten !
Back home again ! It’s always nice to go away – but I think I’m very much a home body. It’s always really nice to come home and be in my own space again. I missed the cat ! Kudos to Hix – who yet again helped us out big time by watching the place and taking care of Shadow.
Here’s Seraph’s Top Ten of our holiday ‘up North’ :
10. Cape Reianga
I guess it was about time that I got here. It seems to be some sort of semi-NZ-rite-of-passage to have been here at least once. And once is ALL it’s going to be too. I wish I could say that I had some massive kind of spiritual experience here ( I wanted to ! ) – but no. The land ran out … and there was a lighthouse. It was interesting to learn that the lighthouse is controlled by a computer system in Wellington. Weird – you think it would be somewhere closer, wouldn’t you ?
9. Uninterrupted reading
It was nice to kick back and read for a good long while – and we had one rainy days where that was ALL we could do really. My one word review of what I got though :
“The Damnnation Game” – Clive Barker - BLEARGH !
“Raven’s Gate” - Anthony Horowitz - **shiver!**
Tom Strong book 4 – Alan Moore - Awesome !
Girl Genius book 4 – Phil Foglio - Hmmmm.
“Shadow of the Hedgemon” O S Card - Cool.
8. Body surfing
7. White water rafting
6. “The Excitor” boat ride
The sea bound version of a roller coaster. A stupidly powerful jet powered thing, which went VERY fast indeed. My face hurt from grinning so much afterwards.
- Buffet BBQ
OMG. This was a meal we had at a hotel on the way back. So much BBQ … **slaver**…
It wasn’t good for me losing weight … but screw it, it was fan-freaking-tastic !
- Bacon !
I think I ate more bacon for breakfast in the ten days of my holiday that I had eaten in the previous ten months. I’m pretty sure I could eat my own body weight in bacon if I gave it a good enough try.
- Diving board action !
We went for a swim at the local high school pool while we were in Kerikeri. They had a diving pool ! Cue Seraph spending a good hour launching himself merrily from them, making it to various levels of the stratosphere ! I wasn’t game for the REALLY big one though ( it must have been 10 meters or so ). My sense of self preservation wasn’t THAT dulled !
- Sand surfing !
Near Cape R. there are these truly behemoth sized sand dunes – and you can surf down them on boogie-boards. Totally insane. I managed to go down the REALLY big dunes three times – it was flipping SERIOUSLY hard work getting up them ! Viva almost made herself sick getting up the first time ! Yeesh !
Well worth the effort though.
- Seeing Nine.
So there you go ! There were loads of other good things – but they were to top ten as they came to me. Obviously just spending time with Viva was the real joy of going on holiday … but I AM glad to be home. ;)
Monday, January 15, 2007
On the road
The roadtrip, so far, goes well.
Right now I'm in an internet cafe in Kerikeri, Northland. It's quite nice here - though it wasn't so nice when we freaking arrived - talk about rain ! Biblical deluge, more like ! Sigh. Still - got to do som ereading, which was nice ( though I wouldn't bother with Clive Barker's "The Damnation Game" if I were you - it's fairly pants ).
Roturua was fun. Viva and I went zorbing ( big plastic balls you go inside and roll down a hill ) - which WAS fun - but pretty expensive for the actual time you get to roll inside the ball. We also went white-water rafting - which was pretty cool, even though we did flip our raft on a seven meter waterfall. That was more fun than it sounds - though I was moderately concerned for my life for a few moments.
Yesterday, seeing as the sun was out for a change, we went for a 'swim-with-the-dolphins" tour - though they couldn't find any dolphins. Stupid dolphins ... think they're so cool ...
We also went to Russel - the first capital of NZ ( for all of about 5 minutes or so ) which was a nice place. Went for a swim on the beach - amazed ( again ) at how white most of me is ( I almost freaking glow ! ) and how much grit you can work into just about every part of your body when you body surf.
Today - the EXCITOR boat ride though the 'hole in the rock' ( I'm assuming it's some sort of hole in a rock ... but I've been wrong before ) and maybe checking out Waitangi ( which would be pretty neat ). Later in the week - the top of the county baby !
Better be going - I think my time on this thing is running out ...
More when I next make it to a computer with internet access !
Right now I'm in an internet cafe in Kerikeri, Northland. It's quite nice here - though it wasn't so nice when we freaking arrived - talk about rain ! Biblical deluge, more like ! Sigh. Still - got to do som ereading, which was nice ( though I wouldn't bother with Clive Barker's "The Damnation Game" if I were you - it's fairly pants ).
Roturua was fun. Viva and I went zorbing ( big plastic balls you go inside and roll down a hill ) - which WAS fun - but pretty expensive for the actual time you get to roll inside the ball. We also went white-water rafting - which was pretty cool, even though we did flip our raft on a seven meter waterfall. That was more fun than it sounds - though I was moderately concerned for my life for a few moments.
Yesterday, seeing as the sun was out for a change, we went for a 'swim-with-the-dolphins" tour - though they couldn't find any dolphins. Stupid dolphins ... think they're so cool ...
We also went to Russel - the first capital of NZ ( for all of about 5 minutes or so ) which was a nice place. Went for a swim on the beach - amazed ( again ) at how white most of me is ( I almost freaking glow ! ) and how much grit you can work into just about every part of your body when you body surf.
Today - the EXCITOR boat ride though the 'hole in the rock' ( I'm assuming it's some sort of hole in a rock ... but I've been wrong before ) and maybe checking out Waitangi ( which would be pretty neat ). Later in the week - the top of the county baby !
Better be going - I think my time on this thing is running out ...
More when I next make it to a computer with internet access !
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Vague review – various things
Well – a happy new year to you ! What’s that …? Oh – the rather extended time since I updated last. Yes – quite. You know how things get over the xmas break though don’t you ? I mean – it’s not TOTALLY because I’ve just been slobbing around the house !
Here are some reviews of things :
Christmas
Very nice thank you ! BBQ at my parents place on xmas eve, hanging out with my folks and seeing my sister for a time ( even though she got cross at me for nearly wrecking her DVD project because I was trying to check my e-mails – sheesh ! Selfish or what ? :-) ). Xmas lunch with Viva’s clan. Much enjoyment. Loses marks for some lousy weather – but otherwise top notch.
A-
Boxing Day
Not quite the festive games day I had planned. Important lesson learned ( again ) – give people notification WELL in ADVANCE. Still – my good buddy and best man Conrad was there as he is visiting from England. Yay ! Bumps up the score considerably.
B+
New Years Eve
Very nice ! Amazingly enough ! My ‘sedate gathering’ was fun ! A few people turned up even ! ( In ADVANCE Seraph ! ADVANCE !!! ). Learned how to make a few cocktails pretty well – the arcane lore or mixing Pina Colada, Sea-breeze and Mohito and now in my grasp ( if not the arcane lore of how to correctly spell them … ). Got nicely drunk – wasn’t sick or anything. Yay !
A
Holidays
They freaking rule !
A+
Wellington weather
WTF ???? I thought winter finished months ago ? How the hell can it still be getting SO cold ? We had to have the wood fire going no less than three times in the last week. It’s insane ! Thankfully today was nice !
D-
‘Fragile Things’ by Neil Gaiman
His new collection of short stories. As with all collections like this it’s a bit hit and miss. There are some fecking GREAT stories in there, some which are a bit more “Huh???”, if you know what I mean. Overall though – the good stuff is pretty damn good and is well worth a read.
Pesronal fav’s ; “Sunbird”, “Harlequin Valentine”, “Monarch of the Glen”, and, the best of the best – “ A Study in Emerald”, a story which crosses Sherlock Holmes with the mythos of H.P. Lovecraft. I kid you not – it’s freaking amazing.
B+
Eragon – the movie.
In a word – DON’T !
I was REALLY looking forward to this film because I liked the book so much. Man Рdid they screw it up. The CGI of the dragon is pretty neat, and Jeremy Irons is good, but man-oh-man, the dialogue is TERRIBLE ! Some lines near the end had me almost screaming with the gut-wrenching clich̩d horror of it all.
Avoid. Read the book instead. It’s much better. Trust me.
D-
The Prestige - the movie
Not bad. Not quite the movie I was expecting. Had some pretty horrible stuff in it … and while there were some interesting twists and turns in it – they were kinda predictable. Kinda.
Still – I enjoyed it.
B-
Susan Enan - Bring on the Wonder
I heard this song on an ad for the tv show "Bones". You don't hear a lot of it - but I was hooked right then and there. It's a magical piece of music and song. If you like vaguely angsty, melodic female vocal stylings like those of, say, Tori Amos - you should like this one. A big up to the internet too - it's amazing how much you can find out with only one line of the lyrics !
A
Right - enough of the public service from me ! I'm off to enjoy a beer in the sunshine ! Woo-hoo !
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Ta-dah !
I have spent the first couple of days of the REAL holidays finishing up the "Little Monsters" painting for Jenni. Here is the finished work -
I took it round to Jenni's right away because it would get too hard for me to give up if I kept it around here ! I really liked it in the end as well, though that's good in a way - as if I DIDN'T like it I'm not sure I'd be too comfortable in saying it was finished. Or in giving it to someone.
Jenni seemed to like it a lot, so that was good. Now - to start work on the painting I promised my sister.
I took it round to Jenni's right away because it would get too hard for me to give up if I kept it around here ! I really liked it in the end as well, though that's good in a way - as if I DIDN'T like it I'm not sure I'd be too comfortable in saying it was finished. Or in giving it to someone.
Jenni seemed to like it a lot, so that was good. Now - to start work on the painting I promised my sister.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Let's find out who the chapel ghost REALLY is !
This is very very cool indeed. My pal Andrew, who has done some very cool stuff with light in theatre ( projected images and the like ) has made a haunted church ! So cool !
Here is part of the 'official' release :
Doesn't that sound cool ? I'm going tonight - you should go too ! All the cool kids are going !
Here is part of the 'official' release :
Andrew Brettell creates critically acclaimed video projections (most recently for the plays Democracy, and Dr Buller’s Birds). He has ‘haunted’ the Futuna Chapel in Karori - with video projections of ghosts and stories from its past.
The chapel will only be haunted for 3 days – this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. It’s free admission,
Futuna Chapel is at
Doesn't that sound cool ? I'm going tonight - you should go too ! All the cool kids are going !
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Co-ordination issues
It's much nicer NOT to have to write reports all weekend. Sure - yesterday was so freaking freezing we had to start a fire to keep warm, but it did mean that I got to make some forward progress with "Little Monsters" -
The first step was getting some more background colours on. That was actually getting tricky - I guess I should have planned how to spread the colours better so there was more definate balance present, rather than just plowing in with what I thought was "A good idea at the time".
Still - there are no major problems there ( yet ).
I'm not sure about the yellow backing for "The Rascal" there. I think that the gray dragon will get a dark gray backing. I'm really not sure about the pink dragon though. It might have to be a straight white. I've left myself very few options. The only other thing I can think of is purple - but with the Beluga right next to it, there might be too much concentration of purple at that corner. Hmm. No - definately white. I don't want to even think about the springy guy ...
The first step was getting some more background colours on. That was actually getting tricky - I guess I should have planned how to spread the colours better so there was more definate balance present, rather than just plowing in with what I thought was "A good idea at the time".
Still - there are no major problems there ( yet ).
I'm not sure about the yellow backing for "The Rascal" there. I think that the gray dragon will get a dark gray backing. I'm really not sure about the pink dragon though. It might have to be a straight white. I've left myself very few options. The only other thing I can think of is purple - but with the Beluga right next to it, there might be too much concentration of purple at that corner. Hmm. No - definately white. I don't want to even think about the springy guy ...
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Yellow and red !
Okay - so "Little Monsters" now has some warmer tones with added yellow ( I could have SWORN I had a tube of yellow when I started ... ) -
And also some red -
What I'm really pleased with is the effect I almost accidentally created with the purple colour of the "Beluga" ( bottom left corner ). The previous purple colour was much too dark - so I knocked up another lighter purple, but when I repainted the critter, I left a slight edge of the dark around it. It kind of has a 'glow' to it now - it's hard to explain, but it looks pretty cool.
I think I'll be blacking out some of the areas next - eyes and such. Hopefully it'll give things more definition without deadening the thing. We'll see I guess - it didn't seem to hurt the Stoner none !
And also some red -
What I'm really pleased with is the effect I almost accidentally created with the purple colour of the "Beluga" ( bottom left corner ). The previous purple colour was much too dark - so I knocked up another lighter purple, but when I repainted the critter, I left a slight edge of the dark around it. It kind of has a 'glow' to it now - it's hard to explain, but it looks pretty cool.
I think I'll be blacking out some of the areas next - eyes and such. Hopefully it'll give things more definition without deadening the thing. We'll see I guess - it didn't seem to hurt the Stoner none !
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