Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Vague review - Snakes on a Plane

Y'know - I REALLY wanted to like this film. I really really did.

I remember being to angry and frustrated that I was too busy when it was at theatres and couldn't see in on the big screen. I think it's a good thing now - there would have been a repeat of the "Dare Devil" meltdown I suffered, putting life and limb in jeopardy in the greater Wellington region.

Why did so many of my ( seemingly ) rational and ( more so than I ) clued-up-about-films friends say it was good ? Why mama ? Why they make me cry so ?

The only thing I can put it down to is some kind of weird "Emperor's New Clothes" syndrome. The way I figure - the hype for the film made it out to be some kind of z-grade tour-de-force of hilarity, and I think a LOT of people I know invested heavily in that hype, and come hell or high water - it WAS going to be the best motherf**king film OF ALL TIME.

Only it wasn't. It was bollocks.

And no - this is not a matter of taste or perception ! It was a BAAAAAAAAAAAAD film ! Bad bad bad ! Just because it has Samuel L. Jackson is in it and he says 'motherf**ker' a couple of times DOES NOT make a film GOOD.

And NO - it is not a 'brilliantly observed parody of the genre' or even 'fun' !! It is BOLLOCKS ! Great big hairy sweaty mammoth bollocks from the planet Big-Bollocks!

Anyway - when said film revealed it's seriously shitty carapace in all it's glory - I think many of of my highly intelligent and savvy film watching pals simply ignored what they had seen and ( maybe even at a subconscious level ) told themselves that it was indeed a great film.

Dammit - it's not a film ! It's more like some kind of freaky mind-control virus !

Sigh. But in the spirit of of goodwill I hearby offer general forgiveness for all of you who told me this heinous ziggurat of bollocks was worth seeing. I can see it wasn't your fault. It was those marketing guys who made you want it so much. Those guys are such dicks.

If you haven't seen it yet - just put that DVD case BAAAAAACK on the shelf SLOOOOOWY, walk over to the other side of the shop and rent something else. You'll be doing the right thing.

2 out of 10.


Jenni said...

I wonder if it's one of those Incredible Film Festival type films that increases entertainment value with more audience members? Like Manos: Hands of Fate, or Night of the Lepus.

Because I still love Snakes on a Plane and I laughed all the way through it, and I suspect having other people doing the same would make a difference.

A'course, I have no desire to re-watch it.

BubbaJay said...

Dude, if Sean is one of your movie experts - you only have yourself to blame.
When will they learn...

You want my recommendation, watch 'Two Hands'. They spent $30 on the entire footwear wardrobe from the Bondi $2 Shop.