Monday, May 28, 2007

Soap script

After a restful weekend I find myself still feeling weary and jaded. So - here's something creative I prepared earlier ! This was a wee practice script I put together in preparation for the 48 hour film competition. The components were :

Character - Lynsey Rogers - compulsive risk taker
Prop - Toothbrush
Dialogue - "I've done this a million times before" *

The genre I randomly rolled up at the time was 'soap opera'. I really didn't want to do soap opera so I sneakily rolled again. Wham - soap opera a second time ! Damn. Not wanting to anger the gods of scripts - I set to writing a more American soap - rather than a dismal Brit / NZ style one. I came up with this - I rather liked it !

Title credits – big, brassy title music – v. big time American in the vein of “Dallas”


Series of character shots and titles

VO - Lynsey Rogers – CEO of Globatek INC and International Playboy

Shot of a sauve looking guy in a fancy suit – at a business table / at a black jack table / reclined on a dining table with a glass of champaign

VO - Portia Mammon

Heir to the Mammon family billions, animal rights campaigner and automatic weapon enthusiast
Raven haired young woman in a ball dress looks at camera in smoldering way / protesting with a ‘fur is murder sign’ / shooting at ninjas with a large assault rifle

VO - Dr. Giacomo Ricotta

Genius doctor / humanitarian / tennis pro

A square jawed, clean-cut type diagnosing young child – giving them a lollypop / working in a soup kitchen / acing an opponent

VO - Sylvia Tease

Sex kitten

Shot of a cat rolling around on its back ( like Shadow does** )

VO - Randy Esophagus

dragster / rebel / pastry chef

guy with an eye-patch revving up his car / involved in a fight with nuns / throwing pastry against kitchen wall

VO - Previously on “Big -Cash-Sex-Infidelity-ville”

Lynsey on phone – “I want to buy out all your shares in Mammon Inc.
Randy – What makes you think I’ll sell to YOU, Lynsey ?”
Lynsey – Because I know who your biological mother is …
Randy – What ???
Lynsey – And I’m willing to bet that you’ll want to find out.
Randy – DAMMITT Lynsey ! You’re taking a hell of a risk crossing me !

Portia – ( holding up link of sausages ) Who would do this to my chauffeur ?”
Sylvia – Meows
Portia – NO ! It CAN’T be TRUE !
Sylvia – Purrs

Randy – You didn’t REALLY graduate from the university of Milan, did you ? DID YOU ?
Dr. Giacomo – You are correct Mr. Esophagus, though if you want help with your white blood cell count, you’ll keep quiet about that !
Randy – You BASTARD ! ( he punches him )

Severe looking secterary type – Lyndsey – you can’t possibly risk all of Globatek capital on Portia not going through with the marriage to your chief business rival !
Lyndsey – ( drunkenly ) DAMMITT ! It’s MY multinational corporation and I’ll do what I like with it !
Secretary – slaps him – Are you always so reckless ?
Lynsey – Grabs her in a wild embrace – Always …

They collapse in wild animal passion out of frame

VO – And now – this weeks episode …

Shot of opulent lounge / living room – Lynsey is on the phone

Lynsey – And I’M telling you Melvin – you’ll put that slush fund stock equity into those municipal bonds or by GOD I’ll make sure you never work again !

Portia bursts in while tinny voice protests on phone

Phone Voice – Jesus H Christi Senior Rogers ! The risks ! They are grande !

Lynsey – Don’t ever talk to me about risk Melvin ! Slams phone down Portia ! You’ve got a lot of nerve coming here – after your neat piece of back-stabbing in the ‘Sparkle Dental supplies” corporation deal !

Portia – I didn’t think you were that … sensitive, Lynsey.

Lynsey – You’re a cold hearted bitch Portia – even I wouldn’t have staged a hostile take-over of Sparkle holdings while I still in mourning !

Portia – You’re still grieving for that secretary – even after Randy revealed her as a South American war-criminal on the run !

Lynsey – The heart is slave to no board room dammitt Portia !

Portia – She was a MAN !

Lynsey – LIES ! ALL LIES !

Portia – I haven’t come to wash your dirty laundry in the closet Lynsey … I just came to drop off this …

Lynsey tosses a toothbrush with the logo “Sparkle” printed on it.

Lynsey – Dammit Portia – what in the name of all that’s holy is THIS ?

Portia – A little ‘no hard feeling’ gift from my new acquisition. Ciao bella.

Lynsey throws a hateful look at her as she leaves – he crushes the toothbrush in his hand as she leaves.

Cut - Portia walks out to Randy – who is waiting in the shadows for her

Randy – Did he take the bait ?

Portia – Hook, line, sinker, angler, row-boat and out-board motor.

Cut – A sterile surgical room

Giacomo is next to a body covered with a sheet. He’s talking on a Dictaphone

Giacomo – I’ve done this a million times … and yet in all of my meteoric career I’ve never seen anything like it – the body bears all the physical, dental and genetic qualities of Portia Mammon – but there’s no way this is possible. Her identical evil twin master dentist sister died in the high rise fire five years ago. There’s only ONE way I can conceive of that could explain this … and I don’t like it.

He goes to pick up the phone – Randy clubs him in the back of the head with an iron bar.

Randy – Sorry doc – can’t let you involve the authorities. Not right now anyway. He flicks open a cell-phone. Make the call.

Cut – Lynsey is heading towards a opulent front door. There is a meow – Lynsey turns.

Lynsey – Sylvia

Sylvia – Meow

Lynsey – That’s right – I’m going to see her. She’s going to apologise. She says she … she still loves me …

Sylvia – Hiss

Lynsey – Of course I believe her ! Why shouldn’t I ?

Sylvia – Meow

Lynsey – How DARE you ! Portia is many things – but I’ll not stand for you calling her a manipulative skank !

Sylvia – Meow

Lynsey – Yes Sylvia – we had something – but I wasn’t the one who threw it all away ? Was I ? WAS I ??? I’m willing to risk my heart again – which is more than you would ever do !

Sylvia – Purr

Lynsey – You’re sick !

He storms out. Sylvia looks at a motor-bike / fast car parked in the drive. She walks out of frame.


Lynsey burst into a opulent bedroom.

Lynsey – Portia ! Portia ! I’m here ! Where are you ? … Oh my GOD !

He sees Portia’s body on the floor of the bedroom – there are many toothbrushes impaling her body in a murderous kind of way.

Lynsey – PORTIA !!! NOOOOOOO !!!!

Two detective burst in and tackle Lynsey

Detective 1 – Lynsey Rogers – You’re under arrest for the murder of Portia Mammon.

Lynsey – What ? No ! I didn’t do anything !

Dectitive 2 – Anything you say can and will be used as evidence against you.

Lynsey – No ! Portia ! NOOOO !!!
He is dragged out.


An opulent dining room – Randy and ‘Portia’ clink Champaign together.

Randy – To a job well done … Alexis !

Portia / Alexis – Yah darling. Two birds with one stone !

Cut to Giacomo – standing at door – training a gun on them ( his head is heavily bandaged )

Giacomo – I knew it was you Alexis ! I should have known as soon as the stem cell thefts began.

Portia / Alexis – Damn you Randy ! I told you to tie him up properly !

Giacomo – He did – only I had a little help …

Camera pulls back – he is holding Sylvia

Randy – Sylvia !

Sylvia – Purr

Alexis – You sanctimonious BITCH ! What do you want !?

Giacomo – Let’s start … with your half of the Inca medallion.

Alexis – How did you know I had it ?

Sylvia – Purr

Giacomo – Yeah – A little bird told us …

VO – Will Lynsey be left to face twenty to life in San Quentin ? Will Dr. Giacomo find the secret Inca treasure of the lost world ? Who IS the body in St. Augustine’s Hospital ? And will Alexis and Randy have the last laugh. ? Join us again next time for “Big-Cash-Sex-Infidelity-ville” and find out !


* - Thanks to Debz for the 48hr elements shamelessly ripped from her blog!

** - If you didn't know - Shadow is our wee cat. She has a habit of rolling around on her back in what has been described, on occassion, as a 'slutty' fashion.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

48 Hour Madness !

WOW ! That was one rocking weekend ! Also a weekend of VERY limited sleep and nail-biting terror at times, but one hell of a good time as well ! I speak of course of the 48 Hour Film Competition !

This year, as I've presiously said, I broke away from my first comp team and started my own - REBEL FACTION ! While I missed the old team greatly - it was SUCH a good idea ! I ( for one anyway ) was involved in SO much more creatively, which was just fantastic.

The elements this year were :

Character - Jerry Reed, a hypochondriac

Prop - A rope

Dialogue - "What do you call that?"

Our genre was educational or religious film.

Bubbajay and I kicked around a few ideas to start ( including a halarious idea of militant ninja priests which would have got us lynched by the Catholic community ) before settling on a secret instructional film from PharmaTech industries called "Hypochondriacs - The Walking Goldmines !", which we thought was pretty funny.

We had some set backs during filming - notabaly the school's ( location where we were going to do all out primary filming ) open-day not finishing till really late ... and then finding out there was going to be regional BRASS freaking BAND regional cometitions in the building where we were filming the NEXT DAY were not helpful. BUT - the team rallied together and we made sure that we got all our major filming done before that happened ( we wrapped up at just midnight ).

For newbies - we had a really killer team - and I was so proud / happy with what everyone brought to the weekend. I had a few lessons taught to me that I'll take with me to next time - but the whole experience was outragiously positive ! My three objectives were :

1 ) For everyone to have fun

2) To finish a film

3) To hand it in on time

We did all three ! Yay ! It couldn't have been done without all you guys in the team - so a BIG thank you from me !!

Now - I'm going to sleep some more ! Check out Conan's blog for a far more detailed account of the weekend !

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Robin Hood, Robin Hood - riding through the land !

I have been sick today. Partly due I think to the school production - it was seriously doing a number on me last week. That was, of course, production week. Tres stressful. It didn't help that the LEAD actor was sick as a dog on the last dress rehearsal night before we opened. Yours truly had to step in and play the part that night ( always remember to warm up your voice properly before engaging in any major acting role kids ! Losing your voice for a good part of the following day when you're a teacher is NOT a good look ! ).

Still - the whole thing was very successful and positive. Who would have predicted that ? Not I - two weeks ago I was ready to slash my wrists at the impending DOOM of awfulness that I was sure the show was going to be. ...Oh alright - I didn't think it was going to be THAT bad - but I didn't think it was going to be as good as it was - which was 'very', even if I do say so myself !

Highlights :

- The producer telling the assembled cast of 60 - 70 teen boys and 4 specially imported girls to go to the green room and "take your clothes off". Much laughter.

- The minor characters who stole the show - ESPECIALLY the "handmaids" of Marion - guys in drag are ALWAYS crowd pleasers for some odd reason ...

- Having one of the kids who was totally new to acting come to see me afterwards and ask if there were any other productions going on that I knew about. Nice to see students get excited about drama and acting.

It'll be nice to have a lunchtime spare at work for a bit now ! No more freaking rehearsals ! Yay !

Right - I'm going to go hide under a blanket, whimper pathetically and try to stem the "Exorcist" level ectoplasmic goo that is fountaining from my nasal orifice.

Gotta get better for the 48 hour film comp ! Man - I'm getting excited about that !

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Wounded Knee

Gaargh ! My freaking KNEE man ! The pain !

Actually - it's not so bad today ... but it's still no picnic. I don't know what the hell is wrong with it - only I can't run for long distances without it flaring into a supernova of hurtyness ! And that's bad ! For a start it means the the 1/2 marathon that I was going to try and run is looking pretty much out of the question. Damn. ( and I'm being SERIOUS too - I really did want to jog that ! ).

I spoke to my sister briefly about it ( she has had knee issues too from her sporting endeavours )

Dr. Sis - So - your knee. It is just painful - or does it click ? Is it clicky ?

S. - It's kinda clicky.

Dr. Sis - Right... do you want the bad news or the good news ?

S. - Ahhhh ... hit me with the bad.

Dr. Sis - Sounds like it's cartilage. You might have to have an operation to fix that.

S. - Feck ! What's the good news ?

Dr. Sis - The operation isn't TOO bad. You might only have to have it once !


Viva has booked me to see a podiatrist on Friday. I'm still not entirely sure WHY I'm going to a freaking podiatrist - it's not my FEET that are hurting ! But one of her friends said that all sorts of trouble can be caused by the way you walk ... fair enough - but shouldn't we start by getting a regular medical professional to establish what the actual problem might be FIRST ? I can just imagine what's going to happen :

P - So you're having trouble with your feet ?

S - No - my knee.

P - Why are you seeing me ?

S - My wife thought it was a good idea.

P - Alright then. Ahhh ... so - is there any pain in your feet ?

S - Nope.

P - Do your feet HIT your own knees at all ?

S - No.

P - ... Well I'm out of ideas.

S - Oh.

P - That'll be $120.

S - *screams*