Monday, May 28, 2007

Soap script

After a restful weekend I find myself still feeling weary and jaded. So - here's something creative I prepared earlier ! This was a wee practice script I put together in preparation for the 48 hour film competition. The components were :

Character - Lynsey Rogers - compulsive risk taker
Prop - Toothbrush
Dialogue - "I've done this a million times before" *

The genre I randomly rolled up at the time was 'soap opera'. I really didn't want to do soap opera so I sneakily rolled again. Wham - soap opera a second time ! Damn. Not wanting to anger the gods of scripts - I set to writing a more American soap - rather than a dismal Brit / NZ style one. I came up with this - I rather liked it !

Title credits – big, brassy title music – v. big time American in the vein of “Dallas”


Series of character shots and titles

VO - Lynsey Rogers – CEO of Globatek INC and International Playboy

Shot of a sauve looking guy in a fancy suit – at a business table / at a black jack table / reclined on a dining table with a glass of champaign

VO - Portia Mammon

Heir to the Mammon family billions, animal rights campaigner and automatic weapon enthusiast
Raven haired young woman in a ball dress looks at camera in smoldering way / protesting with a ‘fur is murder sign’ / shooting at ninjas with a large assault rifle

VO - Dr. Giacomo Ricotta

Genius doctor / humanitarian / tennis pro

A square jawed, clean-cut type diagnosing young child – giving them a lollypop / working in a soup kitchen / acing an opponent

VO - Sylvia Tease

Sex kitten

Shot of a cat rolling around on its back ( like Shadow does** )

VO - Randy Esophagus

dragster / rebel / pastry chef

guy with an eye-patch revving up his car / involved in a fight with nuns / throwing pastry against kitchen wall

VO - Previously on “Big -Cash-Sex-Infidelity-ville”

Lynsey on phone – “I want to buy out all your shares in Mammon Inc.
Randy – What makes you think I’ll sell to YOU, Lynsey ?”
Lynsey – Because I know who your biological mother is …
Randy – What ???
Lynsey – And I’m willing to bet that you’ll want to find out.
Randy – DAMMITT Lynsey ! You’re taking a hell of a risk crossing me !

Portia – ( holding up link of sausages ) Who would do this to my chauffeur ?”
Sylvia – Meows
Portia – NO ! It CAN’T be TRUE !
Sylvia – Purrs

Randy – You didn’t REALLY graduate from the university of Milan, did you ? DID YOU ?
Dr. Giacomo – You are correct Mr. Esophagus, though if you want help with your white blood cell count, you’ll keep quiet about that !
Randy – You BASTARD ! ( he punches him )

Severe looking secterary type – Lyndsey – you can’t possibly risk all of Globatek capital on Portia not going through with the marriage to your chief business rival !
Lyndsey – ( drunkenly ) DAMMITT ! It’s MY multinational corporation and I’ll do what I like with it !
Secretary – slaps him – Are you always so reckless ?
Lynsey – Grabs her in a wild embrace – Always …

They collapse in wild animal passion out of frame

VO – And now – this weeks episode …

Shot of opulent lounge / living room – Lynsey is on the phone

Lynsey – And I’M telling you Melvin – you’ll put that slush fund stock equity into those municipal bonds or by GOD I’ll make sure you never work again !

Portia bursts in while tinny voice protests on phone

Phone Voice – Jesus H Christi Senior Rogers ! The risks ! They are grande !

Lynsey – Don’t ever talk to me about risk Melvin ! Slams phone down Portia ! You’ve got a lot of nerve coming here – after your neat piece of back-stabbing in the ‘Sparkle Dental supplies” corporation deal !

Portia – I didn’t think you were that … sensitive, Lynsey.

Lynsey – You’re a cold hearted bitch Portia – even I wouldn’t have staged a hostile take-over of Sparkle holdings while I still in mourning !

Portia – You’re still grieving for that secretary – even after Randy revealed her as a South American war-criminal on the run !

Lynsey – The heart is slave to no board room dammitt Portia !

Portia – She was a MAN !

Lynsey – LIES ! ALL LIES !

Portia – I haven’t come to wash your dirty laundry in the closet Lynsey … I just came to drop off this …

Lynsey tosses a toothbrush with the logo “Sparkle” printed on it.

Lynsey – Dammit Portia – what in the name of all that’s holy is THIS ?

Portia – A little ‘no hard feeling’ gift from my new acquisition. Ciao bella.

Lynsey throws a hateful look at her as she leaves – he crushes the toothbrush in his hand as she leaves.

Cut - Portia walks out to Randy – who is waiting in the shadows for her

Randy – Did he take the bait ?

Portia – Hook, line, sinker, angler, row-boat and out-board motor.

Cut – A sterile surgical room

Giacomo is next to a body covered with a sheet. He’s talking on a Dictaphone

Giacomo – I’ve done this a million times … and yet in all of my meteoric career I’ve never seen anything like it – the body bears all the physical, dental and genetic qualities of Portia Mammon – but there’s no way this is possible. Her identical evil twin master dentist sister died in the high rise fire five years ago. There’s only ONE way I can conceive of that could explain this … and I don’t like it.

He goes to pick up the phone – Randy clubs him in the back of the head with an iron bar.

Randy – Sorry doc – can’t let you involve the authorities. Not right now anyway. He flicks open a cell-phone. Make the call.

Cut – Lynsey is heading towards a opulent front door. There is a meow – Lynsey turns.

Lynsey – Sylvia

Sylvia – Meow

Lynsey – That’s right – I’m going to see her. She’s going to apologise. She says she … she still loves me …

Sylvia – Hiss

Lynsey – Of course I believe her ! Why shouldn’t I ?

Sylvia – Meow

Lynsey – How DARE you ! Portia is many things – but I’ll not stand for you calling her a manipulative skank !

Sylvia – Meow

Lynsey – Yes Sylvia – we had something – but I wasn’t the one who threw it all away ? Was I ? WAS I ??? I’m willing to risk my heart again – which is more than you would ever do !

Sylvia – Purr

Lynsey – You’re sick !

He storms out. Sylvia looks at a motor-bike / fast car parked in the drive. She walks out of frame.


Lynsey burst into a opulent bedroom.

Lynsey – Portia ! Portia ! I’m here ! Where are you ? … Oh my GOD !

He sees Portia’s body on the floor of the bedroom – there are many toothbrushes impaling her body in a murderous kind of way.

Lynsey – PORTIA !!! NOOOOOOO !!!!

Two detective burst in and tackle Lynsey

Detective 1 – Lynsey Rogers – You’re under arrest for the murder of Portia Mammon.

Lynsey – What ? No ! I didn’t do anything !

Dectitive 2 – Anything you say can and will be used as evidence against you.

Lynsey – No ! Portia ! NOOOO !!!
He is dragged out.


An opulent dining room – Randy and ‘Portia’ clink Champaign together.

Randy – To a job well done … Alexis !

Portia / Alexis – Yah darling. Two birds with one stone !

Cut to Giacomo – standing at door – training a gun on them ( his head is heavily bandaged )

Giacomo – I knew it was you Alexis ! I should have known as soon as the stem cell thefts began.

Portia / Alexis – Damn you Randy ! I told you to tie him up properly !

Giacomo – He did – only I had a little help …

Camera pulls back – he is holding Sylvia

Randy – Sylvia !

Sylvia – Purr

Alexis – You sanctimonious BITCH ! What do you want !?

Giacomo – Let’s start … with your half of the Inca medallion.

Alexis – How did you know I had it ?

Sylvia – Purr

Giacomo – Yeah – A little bird told us …

VO – Will Lynsey be left to face twenty to life in San Quentin ? Will Dr. Giacomo find the secret Inca treasure of the lost world ? Who IS the body in St. Augustine’s Hospital ? And will Alexis and Randy have the last laugh. ? Join us again next time for “Big-Cash-Sex-Infidelity-ville” and find out !


* - Thanks to Debz for the 48hr elements shamelessly ripped from her blog!

** - If you didn't know - Shadow is our wee cat. She has a habit of rolling around on her back in what has been described, on occassion, as a 'slutty' fashion.