Thursday, January 24, 2008

baby class - part 1

Soooo - last night I went with Viva to the first of our antenatal classes. I was kinda dreading it, but I guess it wasn't that bad. There were some nice people there.

However - there was a bit of a weird thing half way through. We split into man and women groups, and the guy who was talking to us in the guy group kept telling us how we could get involved with the child, but he kept adding the phrase "because you wouldn't hurt the baby".

I'm guessing that the was trying to reassure us that we won't 'break' the kid - but it started sounding like a bit of an accusation after a while, like he wanted to add '...would you?" on the end.

"You won't hurt the baby by giving it a bath ... would you? You wouldn't smother him with a rubber duck or garrote them with the activity hanger ? You wouldn't booby-trap the buggy to shoot the child out like a circus cannon into the ionosphere ??? WOULD YOU ??? YOU FREAKING MONSTER !!!"

Or maybe it was just me ...


BubbaJay said...

As an uncle I have learnt the following regarding the habits of people under the age of 18 months.
- Uncles are awesome (for 10 minutes per day)
- Baby shit is not of this earth, in texture, smell, quantity and viscosity.
- The first six months are hard on the ears.
- Babies grab EVERYTHING.
- Its incredible to see their personality start to develop.
- Babies are incredibly inspiring and amazing and are worth every second you can spend on them.

Matt said...

Have you had masses of anti-drug and pro-breastfeeding propaganda yet? Our antenatal class teacher had a pretty obvious agenda that 'natural is best'. She gave us all the information on interventions and bottle-feeding and so on, but all the while she insidiously slipped in her high-fibre crunchy home-knitted yoghurt tendencies...

It was kind of sweet, but at the same time with a subtle undercurrent that if you *asked* for drugs you were *screwing with the way things were supposed to be*.

Seraph said...

Not yet - but it can only be a matter of time. I know if it were me actually giving birth, I'd be wanting ALL the freaking drugs you could have : opium, heroin, whatever ! Screw the natural order ! An absence of pain is good !

Anonymous said...

I ended up pretty going the mostly drug-free route by accident, didn't really think to ask for anything strong until it was too late. I tried a bit of Nitrous (and Matt sampled it also) but it didn't seem to do anything. Quite disappointing as Hunter S thompson had me convinced that the stuff was quite potent.

According to my midwife they used to use heroine for childbirth and it worked brillantly for pain relief. I sure would have had that if it had been available but epidurals don't seem like they would be as much fun.


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