Tuesday, April 04, 2006

And we're rolling in three ... two ... one ... ACTION !

A completely dark stage. The sound of footsteps.

A spotlight illuminates a 1930's mircophone stand and a rather pale man. He has a shaven head and a rather jaunty goatee. The black wall behind him has the words "Like you care !" written in bold white letters.

He taps the mircophone experimentally.

"... Is this thing on ? Oh. Well. I guess I can get started then.

Right. The whole blog thing then ! Oh yeah ! Can I get a "hell yeah !" from the audience??"

Silence from the audience. TOTAL silence. The man shields his eyes and peers as best he can out of the light. Slight noise of feedback from the microphone.

Man clears throat.

"Woah... Tough crowd. Well - I'm here now anyway. It took me a bit. I was always playing with the idea of starting one ... but I kept thinking - Oh STOP kidding yourself ! Like anyone was actually going to READ a blog that I penned ... umm ... typed. Whatever. I had a name though ! That's gotta count for something."

Man gestures to the wall behind him.

"Yeah - I thought 'Like you care' was a pretty funny name. But then I thought that it sounded ... y'know ... kinda negative. I wanted to have something more ALIVE ! More affirmative ! So ... DEATH FROM ABOVE !"

He stops to consider this for a moment.

"Not that I actually want to kill you or anything. S0 - in following the bold move of my friend who started one of these things not long ago ... I, Seraph, so solemnly swear to NEVER taint these hallowed walls with mundanely trivial garbage, may I be sealed in an industrial drum of piston lubricant if I do."

Seraph looks hesitantly pleased with himself

"I'd love to stay and chat some more - but I really do have to be going now. I'll ... ummm ... talk to you again soon I guess. Bye !"

Seraph waves energetically. The spotlight cuts off, leaving the room in darkness once again.

Voice - "How the hell do I get out of here now?"

SFX - One footstep

SFX - Another footstep

SFX - Almightly crash of what sounds like a human body falling onto a number of musical instruments - the kind that might be in a stage orchestra pit. One is possibly a harp.

Voice - "Owww... "


Anonymous said...

Hell Yeah!

Seraph said...

Vindication !

Matt said...

Oooh, oooh...

Somewhere in the darkness, shortly following the almighty crash of man + orchestra pit, a voice cries out:"

Is there a doctor in the house? Oh, and it's a little late, but Hell Yeah!

Anonymous said...

More swearing.
Much, much more.

You know you want to.