Tuesday, October 10, 2006

This comes of playing too much R.E.3

You are in an arena the size of a basket ball court. You are armed with a hefty fire-axe and a Colt Anaconda ( a magnum to you normal people ) which is fully loaded - but you have no more ammunition. Only the six shots.

Which would you fight - a giant hunting spider ( lets say the size of a horse ) or a pack of twenty zombies ( medium level decomposition ) ?

Tricky eh ?

So - the spider would have range and speed over you ( coupled with a nasty leaping ability ) - BUT there's a pretty good chance you could blow it's spider guts out with the magnum without having to go toe to toe ( or toe to chitinous hooks ) with the axe.

Your zombies would be slow ( these would be your average "Day of the Dead" zombies - not your more speedy / savage 'Rage' victims . We do classic zombies here at Death From Above ! ) - but persistant. You might get a good number with the gun - but you'll have to be accurate and get 'em in the head, and you WILL have to go hand to hand with the axe. Not a pleasant thought. You don't want to get surrounded by the shuffling bastards either.

Then - who would you rather be eaten to death by if you lost ? Zombies ? Erk ! Slow and horrible feasting on your body-meats ! Mind you, if they crack your skull open FIRST and eat your throbbing brains as an entree rather than a main - it would be quicker. BUT you'll come back AS a zombie ! Not nice for friends and family !

Giant spider ? Double ERK ! Having your insides dissolved and slurped out of you ? That's unless the thing decides to 'keep you for later' !

Not good either way really.

If forced into aforementioned death-match by a suitably horrible twist-of-fate - I'd have to go with the zombies. While the odds are less favourable that with Senor Spider, I would certainly go into some sort of catatonic fear induced coma when facing a arachnid the size of a horse ! I'd be dead in the water before I even bagan ! And I'm pretty sure I could out-smart a bunch of freaking zombies.

Stupid zombies ... think they're so cool ...

This is the sort of thing that I think about when I have to put stapels in the few dozen mock exam booklets by hand, because I forgot to program that function into the freaking photocopier.



Con-man said...

Sorry, man, I'd have to disagree there, although with your spider issues I can understand your viewpoint. A spider as big as a horse is going to have to be pretty easy to hit with the revolver. I'd back myself to hit at least three times out of six bullets. And you hit a critter in the face at close range with a .44 magnum, it's gonna develop some serious issues with coordination.
But I need one more bit of information: is it packing any poison? I don't want to get in close, holding off the mandibles with a fire-axe while pulling the trigger until the chambers are empty if one drop of its poison causes my nervous system to break down 10 minutes after the spider is nothing but a twitching mess on the floor.

Seraph said...

Oh yeah - I totally understand your "I'd take the giant spider" position. I think most people would.

In regards to poison though - yup. Ole Mr. Spider is venomous. I'd say it's more of a paralysing thing - rather than a nervous system disintergration. Would that really change your stand-point though ? For all intents and purposes - the zombies essentially are poisonous as well. One bite and you're pretty screwed. It might be easier to dodge a zombie bite - but there's going to be way more chances for you to get bitten when you're facing a pack of them.

Anonymous said...

That's a tough call man, I keep choosing one and then second guessing myself.

Am I a superhero in this scenario?

Seraph said...

Nice try - but no. You're just you in this situation. Regular-Jenni rather than Super-Jenni ( though Regular-Jenni is pretty super ). No super powers for you. Or me. Or even Con-man.

Anonymous said...

Well, if I don't have my superpowers I guess I'd go for the spider. I mean, I'm pretty scared of spiders too, but I don't like the thought of being outnumbered.

At least this way me and the giant spider can go mano-a-mano. (Or womano-a-spidero as the case may be.)

at least it's not as big as shelob.