Misdiagnosis

“You know, I took your physio’s referral for you from the thirty or so ‘urgent’ cases because it looked like the easiest. From the description I though ‘Oh yes – a standard ACL tear. No problem. I’m going to be using your case for a teaching seminar as an example of things being not always what they appear to be.”

“…Right” I replied. “Is that good ?”

That’s what a specialist sports doctor told me about the state of my knee, after some closer examination.

Last week, my physio told me that what I had most likely done to my knee was torn or snapped my cruciate ligament ( or what I called the cruciatus ligament ) – which was a pretty common sports injury. She then went on to explain what would be done to fix this ( cutting off some other ligament from elsewhere in my body , and then grafting it into my knee ) – and I almost fainted. It rather freaked me out.

So – I got a referral letter sent off to a sports doctor at the Wakefield hospital this week, and warned that it would probably be well into the New Year before I heard back from her.

Two days later I got a call from the hospital asking if I were able to make it into them for an appointment. There had been a miraculous opening. “Hell yes !” I said.

So after a morning of Christmas shopping ( which seemed to be going worryingly painlessly for a change ) and made my way to Newtown and the specialist sports clinic.

After five minutes of jumping around in my underwear, the doctor echoed what my physio had said. “ACL tear most likely, considering the means of injury and the state of your knee. I’ll get you to have some x-rays now, and we’ll get you booked in for a MRI scan as well. That’s really busy – so it won’t be for a couple of weeks. I’ll see you again after that.”

So – downstairs to radiology I went, x-rays were taken ( and am I the only one that thinks hospital x-ray machines are rather sinister things ? ), and I went onto the list for an MRI scan.

Then, home.

No sooner had I sat down to do some painting, then I got a call from the radiology dept.
“Can you have a scan done tomorrow ?”

“Umm – Yeah sure. I thought it was going to be weeks before I was going to get this done?”

“Usually that would be true – but we’re going to be here early tomorrow – and we can fit you in at 7.15 if you can make it. Can you make it at that time?”
“You betcha !”

In I rolled early the next morning, and was inserted into the MRI machine. That was an experience ! Yet again, TV has lied to me. Whenever I’ve seen MRI scans on telly, it’s really quite a futuristic affair. In you glide into the machine – badda-bing, badda-bang – hey presto – results ! “Here’s the probem, you’ve got three gall-bladders !”

It’s not like that at all. It takes AGES – about 28 minutes to get my knee done ( and it started to get difficult to stay still. It’s a good thing I’m not claustrophobic too ! ). It’s also REALLY noisy. They give you a pair of those ear-muff things – and it was still really quite loud. The machine makes a lot of disconcerting clicks, and then launches into a full-on power buzz, which makes various changes in pitch and tone. I’m pretty sure there’s been a few people in the world who have freaked right out in one of those things.

Afterwards, they told me to see the receptionist at the sports clinic and see if the good doctor could see me again today. The MRI had confirmed what the x-rays had hinted at – it wasn’t my ACL at all, but instead I had a fracture.

“You had an MRI scan TODAY ?” said the incredulous receptionist “We only saw you YESTERDAY ! That NEVER happens !”

I felt pretty good about the way things were progressing !

So yeah – I have a fracture. Again. This is now my fifth. Still – I feel a lot better about having a fracture. At least I’m on familiar territory here ! And there’s a 99% chance that that it’ll heal fine. I have to go back in for more x-rays early in the new year, to see if things are healing okay ( the doctor was a bit mystified that I was able to walk reasonably normally, as normally someone in my position would be on crutches – and probed me quite thoroughly to make sure that I just wasn’t pretending not to feel pain. “Doc” I said “I’m not the kind of guy to say something doesn’t hurt when it does ! Just ask my wife !” ).

All in all – I feel pretty lucky. If I hadn’t majorly lucked out in so many areas, I would have spent the summer with a fractured bone and not even known – and in all probability made things worse ( the first thing the doctor told me to stop was the rehab stuff the physio had got me to do – like the lunges, which were really starting to hurt ! ).

But it does mean that I won’t be doing anything strenuous of weight-bearing with my leg at all – which puts a major crimp on my exercise programme. Oh well, it’s more important to heal. No dancing on New-Year ( doctors orders ).

I’m most happy about my other ligaments not being harvested in a patch up mission though. Man – that really sounded pretty bad …

Seraph’s week of encripplement

They tell you a lot of things of tv to try and keep you from falling in the warm blubbery embrace of obesity. They tell you to push play for thirty minutes a day. Be active. Do exercise. That kind of thing. But they NEVER mention the dangers involved. There’s never the disclaimer “WARNING ! Robust physical activity may leave you in a screaming heap of agony and piteous weeping!”. The kind of warning which might have done me some good last Friday playing soccer with some of the guys at work.

I was doing quite well it must be said. The game had been going for around 40 minutes – and I had managed to stay moving the entire time – mostly at something approaching a running speed. No Beckham, but pretty good for me. I had even made a couple of half-decent attempts at goal !

It sure puts a crimp in your game when your right knee decides its going to bend the wrong way though. I’m not really sure how it happened either ( it’s lost in that moment of white pain you get in these times ). Two of us were going for the ball at some speed – we might have got tangled up, I might have slipped … but whatever the cause, I remember hearing a distinct POP, and then I was rolling along the Astroturf in a large degree of pain.

Oww.

So – after VERY CAREFULLY driving myself home with a rapidly swelling knee, I spent the rest of Friday with ice wrapped in a tea-towel clasped to my wounded flesh. Things were still pretty bad the next day – so after being ordered to seek medical help by my sister, I asked Viv to take me to the after-hours doctor in Newtown.

I was given crutches, pain-killers, anti-inflammatory meds and an order to stay home for the week. Luckily the seniors have gone – so there was a good deal less relief to have to write each day.

I should have done more school work ( like the report comments I should have finished by now ), but I tended just to sit around playing video games. I managed to finish Okami ( which is a very cool game ! ).

I saw a physio this morning, and got the all clear to drive again and go back to work. She thought that I might have damaged some cartilage inside my knee. There’s a chance that something may have ‘snapped’, which would require something called ‘key-hole’ surgery to fix ( man – I don’t like the sound of that ! ). I have exercises to do to help fix things up. If I’m lucky – then I should hopefully be alright in another 6 – 8 weeks.

Sigh.

Oh well. I’ve had worse ! At least there’s no bones broken.

In other news – today is the end of ‘Movember’, and I have been supporting the cause with my own effort. Behold ! The glorious ‘Anarchy99’ !

Curse you, NZQA !!!

What IS it about education in this freaking country ? Why must it be administered by a bureaucratic bunch of losers which would make Kafka* spin in his grave ? Get this - the year 10 ( 4th formers for all you old-speaker out there ) have an English exam soon, and it's going to be based pretty heavily on the format of the 1.6 NCEA exam for Y11 ( 5th form ) students.

I know that they have old exam papers on-line, so I go to download a couple of poetry question sections so my students can get a taste of the kind of thing they'll have to answer. Found questions, copied them, no problem.

So then I go to open the on-line resource book for that years exam. This is the one that actually has the literature / text extracts that they're having to answer the question ON. Kinda important to have.

The document is opened, and I was stunned to find that EVERY resource you would need to make any of the questions USEFUL to look at have been removed and replaced with the uniform comment 'This resource has been removed for copyright reasons'.

WHAT !!?!!?!

$#@$#**&^%@$@ !!!!

What kind of bollocks is that ? Since WHEN is rampant publishing of a POEM on-line been a major breech of copy-right law ??

I can imagine the ads now :

"You wouldn't steal a handbag ! You wouldn't steal a car ! YOU WOULDN'T DARE STEAL A POEM !! YOU TWISTED SACK OF INFECTED INTESTINAL WALL ! Downloading POETRY is THEFT ! And poetry theft will be met with swift and terrible justice delivered by CHUCK NORRIS HIMSELF !!!! YOU WILL PAY with BLOOOOOOD !!!"

Yeah - because I heard that the international poetry studios are REALLY hurting because of that whole on-line exam racket. Sylvia Plath is righteously pissed off ... no wait - she's DEAD. Like your freaking MEDIUM !!!

Look, nothing against poetry, but it's HARDLY at the vanguard of the arts. Incan-restoration interpretive dance is more widely regarded ( and NO - you can't claim that 'song lyrics' count as poetry ! ). If I were a poet, I'd be BEGGING to have my poem in a senior English exam - just for the freaking exposure ! Do you realise how many teenagers could be baffled by your obscure metaphors about pioneer NZ women or a sunset ? HEAPS !

So I just photocopied the original exam paper we had in the department files.

Yeah - way to stop me in my poem-piracy tracks, huh? You like that NZQA ? Cos I got more where THAT came from ! Jerks ...


* I have no idea if this reference makes sense. I have never read Kafka. He wrote a story about a castle that was supposed to be some kind of allagory. And he never finished it ... or something. It sounded good though, eh ?

So childish !

Driving to work I noticed that the :

REDUCE
SPEED

sign on the side of the road had been the target of some vandalism. Two of the letters had been covered with spray paint, changing the sign to :

REDUCE
#PEE#

I hated myself for doing it, but I laughed so much I nearly drove square into a church.


Reduce pee ... *snigger*

Revieworama !

The final countdown begins again – only another couple of weeks before the seniors leave for the year to go and ‘study’ for their exams. School becomes a great deal easier after that. Okay – maybe not a great deal ( I’ll still be freaking busy ), but it’ll be better !

Here’s a bit of a review of things I’ve seen / read / played recently –

Perfect Creature

So close ! So very close to being a really good film ! And yet – so over the mountain range studded with land-mine far away. It must be said right at the start – it’s a HELL of a lot better than ‘The Irrefutable Truth About Demons’. Mind you, considering that ‘…Demons’ is one of the worst films I’ve ever seen, I’m not sure that’s much of a endorsement.
What the film did REALLY well was in creating a very cool world. Very steam-punk, while still retaining a very NZ feel. Kinda post-colonial mixed with Dickensian London. It worked pretty well. The ‘mythology’ of the world was interesting too. I liked the idea of Vampires not being evil, or even really monstrous. The idea of the ‘Brothers’ being a kind of ‘next-step’ in the evolutionary process was great, but more so was their partnership with humanity. They were ( supposedly ) so much more powerful than humans, but were essentially bound to serve humanity. I loved how the Brothers were objects of religious reverence for many humans, and how there’s a ritual of tithing blood in churches.

All very very cool.

So – what’s the problem ?

For a start, there’s not a HUGE amount of ‘super-human’ ability demonstrated by the Brothers really. Oh sure – they’ve got heightened-senses ( shown though various crash zooms and other fairly unimpressive sfx ), but what else ? Uncanny climbing ability … and that’s about it. Oh – and a weird pointy-finger style of fighting. Now really ! These are Vampires ! Okay – given that they’re a genetic anomaly they’re not going to be turning into mist or flying of in the form of a bat, but surely there could have been something a little more impressive they could have done. I guess there are hints towards super speed and strength … but there was just too little done with it. That was a shame.

The biggest problem for me was the antagonist. They made a seriously BAD error in casting. Rather than looking evil or scary – the ‘bad’ vampire ends up looking … well … retarded. That’s a bad look for your villain no matter how you cut it. I just couldn’t take him seriously. Also – there was an issue for me with this character’s motivation. At the start of the story, the antagonist’s goal simply seems to be ‘kill people and drink their blood’. Fair enough ! He’s a vampire – I can understand that. BUT – as soon as the bad guy gets caught it seems that his motivation arbitrarily changes to ‘infect as many people as possible with my blood-disease’. WHAT ? What the hell brought that on ? Why would that happen ? It didn’t make any sense. It also REALLY bugged me that he was able to escape from the maximum security Brother stronghold. It was a ‘deus ex’ situation where ( supposedly ) very clever people ( Vamp’s guards ) start doing inexplicably stupid things ( letting Vamp out of his security harness when he’s CLEARLY one of the most serious risks to all of society, not getting a Brother to check the security glass after Vamp has repeatidly hurling himself at it … and not putting Vamp BACK in the harness as a punishment, not having a fail-safe lock-down so that bad Vamp can just stroll out back into the middle of the freaking city heart !!! ). It’s really annoying when characters do things that are so stupidly out of character.

Still – there’s certainly some interesting things going on in the film, and it’s worth a DVD rental. Just don’t shell out $15 to see it on the big screen.

C+


Sun-Shine

Argh. ANOTHER film where ( supposedly ) very clever people to some VERY stupid things which bugged the hell out of me.
In a lot of ways it reminded me a lot of ‘Event Horizon’ – just replacing the supernatural elements with more scientifically plausible things. There are some good thrills here and there, but I found things largely pretty predictable.
The music is pretty good – and largely contributes to the atmospheric impact of the film. I wouldn’t mind getting the soundtrack.
Worth a rental if there’s nothing else you want to see, just get ready for some ‘Aw c’mon!’ moments.

C+


Lady in the Water

All the reviews I read about this pretty much panned this film. I got it at the last Video Eze sale for ten bucks. I didn’t get round to seeing it for quite awhile – mainly because I wanted to like it, but all the evidence seemed to be pointing at it being rubbish.

I finally braced myself and slung it in the DVD player last night. And y’know what ? I really liked it ! It was a nice story. It did stretch my suspense-of-disbelief a little bit in places ( the girl / woman living in the flats who JUST HAPPENED to know the stories of the Narfs and the Skrunts ) but there was a reasonable reason present for how this could happen that I was okay to buy into.

Not M. Night’s best – but he hasn’t done anything yet to equal The Sixth Sense in my books ( and that would be because it freaking GENIUS ), but it’s pretty enjoyable modern fairy-tale.

B

The IT Crowd – Season 2

Freaking awesome. Not quite as good as season 1 – but very very funny ( my fav joke was a legendarily hilarious take off of those damn ‘You wouldn’t steal a hand-bag !” copyright ads ). I miss Denham though …

A


The Day of the Triffids

Always meant to read this ages ago – and only just got round to it now. Well worth reading. Some pretty unsettling moments within. I gotta read me some more John Wyndham ! I think “The Kraken Wakes’ or ‘The Midwich Cuckoos’ will be next on the list.

B+


Resistance – Fall of Man

A very competent FPS from the guys who brought you ‘Spyro’ and “Ratchet and Clank’. Again – it’s the setting and situation which are so captivating. It’s really an alternate World War 2, by instead of battling the Hun – it’s an ‘alien’ threat which is kicking the crap out of mankind. The Chimera are a scary bunch of dudes – and the cool thing the game does is weave the story of the Chimera uprising ( which is a huge mystery in the game. You don’t really know what the hell the Chimera are or where they come from. Are they Aliens ? Are they a genetic experiment gone wrong ? Are they a race which has co-evolved with us under the earth ? I’m at least ¾ of the way through the game and I still don’t know for sure ! ).
The weapons are cool – and while they’re reasonably futuristic sometimes ( such as the Chimeran Auger – a gun which fires energy bolts which pass through walls and obstacles until they clam into organic matter, or the Bullseye – which has the ability to ‘tag’ an enemy, which allows the conventional fire-power of the gun to home in on the tagged victim unerringly – fecking handy in dealing with smart-ale Chimera hiding behind cover ) , there’s a good mix of conventional thrown in, and the ‘advanced’ weapons fit in well with the WW2 feeling.
The action of the game alternates between frantic battle-front warfare, and tense ‘survival-horror’ tunnel-creeping sections. There’s some nice boss throw-downs and some fun vehicles to drive ( I’m hanging out for another tank-level ! Though the huge Chimeran spider-tank is pretty groovy ! ).
Graphics are great – though I’m sure that with an HD cable and a LCD tv they’d look even better ( duh ! ).
All in all – another winner from Insomnia games studio! Roll on “Ratchet and Clank : Tools of Destruction” is what I say !

A

One day - two parties !

Yesterday was busy busy busy. I had two birthday parties to go to. Two ! Who can live at that speed !! I don't know how those LA socialites do it. And imagine Bruce Wayne ! Having to live THAT life AND be a crime fighter on top of that. Yeesh.

The big focus on attention though ( as it was for most of the previous week - hence no updates ! ) was my costume for the second of the two parties - Clare's 'Space' party. I admit that I was pretty stumped for something original for a few days when I got the invitation. Yeah - I thought of all the standard Star Wars and Star Trek openers ... but I wanted something unique ! Something NO-ONE was going to copy.

It was tricky alright - something that was original, but WASN'T going to cripple me financially either.

Then a week ago today ( almost at the same time too ) - it stuck me.

A crew member of the 'Nostromo' - complete with chest-burster alien !

Genius !

But that DID mean I had to make myself a chest-burster in under a week - as you can't just go out and buy these things ( I looked, trust me ! ).

Cue much paper-mache work !

Oddly enough, one of the hardest parts of the process was finding some of those long thin styled balloons to get the paper-mache on. It was damn near impossible ! Everyone only had the round kinds. Can you believe it ? At about the fourth place I looked at I was getting pretty distressed ( as the whole plan hinged on having one of these balloons - just freaking ONE ! ). Then, JOY ! It had something similar - weird caterpillar shaped balloons. They didn't look much like caterpillars really though - to be honest, they more looked like ... well ... sex toys ( they were kinda ribbed too - very unsettling ).

Despite their unusual 'added value' they worked just fine. The second hurdle was getting the paper-mache tube to dry in time. It was very slow going - even with being bunged in the hot water cupboard. In the end I just wacked int on top of the woodburner. THAT got things sorted !

The painting and gluing was reasonably straight forward.

I did investigate getting some sew-on patches made stating various Wayland-Yutani slogans and such - but that were FAR too expensive to have made. In the end I just printed off some from net pictures and sellotaped them to the pair of overalls I got. That worked reasonably well ( and way cheaper ! ).

People at the party seemed to think it was kinda cool, and I have to say that I was pretty pleased with the final effect.

Jenni's Rock-Star party was a lot of fun - though Viva and I couldn't stay long. It was nice to see people, and I was reminded ( yet again ) of how lucky I am to have such great friends. I really am fortunate to know such a great bunch of cool, interesting and NICE people.

Yay for friends ! And for the absence of parasitic xenomorphs on Earth !

Critical Mass 3 - Vague Origins

Hey gang ! Been a while since my last post I know. Th end of term 3 will do that to you, especially when you're trying to get a year 13 production of "Waiting for Godot" done ! Whew !

I've been having a nice break not doing much. Playing too much "UFO:Enemy Unknown", eating poorly, and working on this comic. I have now discovered the joys of the 'pattern brush' - as evidenced in the exquisite grid pattern in the alien suit blueprint. It's a pretty cool feature !

And I THINK I got all the spelling mistakes out this time !

I also had an especially nice birthday, with many people getting me some very nice gifts - a big thanks to all of you ! But especially to my little sister and her partner who got me and Viv a freaking PlayStation 3 !! So much for any more marking in the holidays !

I've got another episode of Critical Mass drawn - so I'll get to work scanning than and getting it to 'publication' level. I shall also be starting a new video game canvas for my old pal and partner in crime ( although I'm more his misshapen minion to his evil genius really ) BubbaJay. In consultation with him we've come to the conclusion that a C64 inspired image would be best - probably based on "Impossible Mission" - though it might be "Creatures" if I can find a decent set of images of the sprites somewhere.

Did I mention that I take commissions ?

Dial up is for who ?

I'm constantly mishearing things, my brain often re-editing things so they're more scandalous or entertaining.

Case in point - talking with Meredith last night, and we were talking about broadband, and I SWEAR I heard her say :

"Dial-up is for fat people".

There's a t-shirt in that statement.

My brain hurts

Gosh. A weekend of marking Y10 'writing' has just about pushed me over the crumbling cliffs of sanity to the cruel cruel rocks of do-lally-land.

How the hell is it possible to write SO badly ? It really staggers the mind.

I present for you a small case study of the kind of thing I've been subjected to. It is one of the more acute cases, but not unrepresentative.

The task, I thought, was simple enough. Describe a location taken from the text we're studying and describe it as vividly as possible ( in other words - taking care to develop descriptive detail and use figurative imagery ).

I thought it was simple enough anyway.

So - one of the locations was a ball. What did our case study make of it ? Let's see:

Paragraph 1 - " The ball had a nice calm feeling, with darkness covering the strong, heroic building with shades of light casting from place to place from what looked like a mini red torch."

...Say what ? Seriously - what the hell was that ? Mini red torch ? What does that even START to mean !? Owww - my head.

Paragraph 2 - 'The ball was like any other ball in 'Dreamland'.

Huh ? Dreamland ? What the hell is that ?

'Gold surrounding the walls like the gold rush. Carpet formally place like it they were in Buckingham Palace.'

Feck - what IS this ? Pain in head increases in intensity to sharp stabbing pains in the central cortex. Hands start to twitch involuntarily.

'A massive room the size of Wembley Stadium with a light, peaceful shadow casted the whole room like it was saying 'I love lying on the beach!' Small shades of light swissed across the room like the speed of light, to create that party atmosphere."

Sweet jebus - this is worse than torture. I can't confess to anything to make it stop ! Why is shade talking about loving to be on the beach ? THAT party atmosphere ? Kid - I think you've had WAY too much of THAT party atmosphere by the sound of it. Dammit - I think my nose has started bleeding...

Paragraph 3 - ' They see hundreds of people. man and women surrounding the room like small moving bears sidestepping from one to another.'

Argghhh ! Make it stop make it STOP ! I'll do anything ! Sidestepping bears ?
WTF ?!!?! Vision fading...

'Dancing was the only action going on at the ball like you couldn't do anything else, it was like the carpet telling everyone 'to step on me, you must dance formally with your partner, no excuses !' '

*With a scream of tormented anguish Seraph falls into a coma, convulsing violently*

And that wasn't even the end !

And I marked stuff like that ALL weekend !

Sigh. It's like reading subtitles of Hong Kong action films, where the translators don't know English, this sort of crushingly bad gibberish that VAGUELY hints at an intention below the verbal up-chuck.

And YES. I KNOW that there are ethical issues in sharing this with you - but hell, when you consider the cruel and unusual suffering this kid put me through - he freaking owes me this !

The sort of thing Seraph giggles at for days

Hey - you know what a couple of words that are funny together are ?

'Booze shack' !

Hee hee hee !

That's almost as good as 'Pickle Weasel' !

( you can tell the end of term is near, can't you ? )

Critical Mass 2 - That is the Question

A special thank you goes out to my good friend Lucifer Morningstar for his photoshop help with this, which accounts fot the noticable increase in image quality here. Not the REAL Lucifer of course - as far as I KNOW anyway. It WOULD explain a lot if he were though...

This and that from the life of Seraph

- I went to the Wellington City Mission great 2nd hand book sale. Not because of any kind of affiliation to the mission - but because of my love of cheap books ( not knocking the City Mission though - they do good work ! ). They seemed to have a much more streamlined check-out process ( including a '10 books or less' express lane which was a bloody good idea - it certainly saved me time ! ). I spent my time prowling around the fantasy / sci-fi / horror tables and ended up getting a few Stephen King books that I haven't read or read fully :
* Everything's Eventual ( mostly for the Dark Tower story "The Little Sisters of Eluria", but there were a number of stories which I didn't get round to reading when I borrowed Hix's copy )
* Insomnia - For the 'Dark Tower' links !
* Skeleton Crew - I've NEVER read this collection of stories - and I really should, now that 'The Mist' is being made into a feature-film by Frank Darabont !
* Bag of Bones - I would have got this LAST year ... had it not been for the fact that the lines were approaching what seemed to be a light-year in length ! Hix tells me it's good !

- Sauntered into the public library and borrowed a book on photo-shop ( to help, hopefully, with my comic strips ) and a John Wyndham omnibus containing 'Day of the Triffids', 'The Kraken Wakes' and 'The Crysalids'. I've been hankering to read 'Day of the Triffids' - for some reason the idea of killer plants has been playing on my mind. Don't ask - it's my brain and even I don't know.

I gotta say - I'm loving that self-checking-out-books-machine they have in there now ! It's awesome ( even if it had trouble reading the bar-code on the photoshop book and I had to retry it, like, ten times.

- My 'Fungus the Loon' Blood-Bowl figure that I got on Trade-Me arrived today. You gotta love night-goblin fanatics ! They always make me think of my buddy Conrad playing the 'Warhammer' video game on his computer when we were roomies down in Christchurch. On the field of honour his army was ranged against a force of goblins.
"Goblins?!" laughed Conrad, in haughty tones. "They'll be no match for my heavy calvary ! CHARGE !". The mighty steeds tore across the middle of no-man's land - lances dropped to a wave of glinting steel death.
"Hmmmmm... Y'know - you might not want to do that" I said - drawing on my days working at Pendragon Games and my knowledge of the tabletop 'Warhammer'. 'That group there looks like a bunch of Night Goblins - they'll probably have fanatics hidden in their ranks."
"Fanatics ? What are they ?" Conrad asked - his cavalry now scant pixels away from the goblins.
"THOSE are fanatics." I answered - as four massive ball-and-chain swinging goblins flew from the front of the ranks - smashing his cavalry and leaving them in a tattered, bleeding heap of wreckage. "Yeah - they'll do that."

Tee hee. I remember his stunned expression so clearly.

- I saw 'Die-Hard 4.0' this afternoon. It was okay. I should have followed my instincts and waited to till it came out on DVD though - it wasn't as good as the previous three.

- I fixed the shieldy-thingy at the top of our wood-burner pipe. It's harder than it sounds.

- Did three loads of washing ! Which I promptly forgot was on the line when I went off to see the movie and got all damp again. Smeg !

Tomorrow :
- Make pancakes for breakfast ( promised Viv I would )
- Loads of marking ( joy )
- Wash car ( covered in green pollen )
- Spray lawn and re-seed ( so there can be some actial GRASS on the damn thing )

Geek ? Read on !

This will be of probably little interest to you 'norms' out there. If you have no kinship with the world of boardgames, you might just want to stick your fingers in your ears and start going 'la la la la la' loudly now.

I'm not sure WHY you might want to do that - because, y'know, you'll still be able to READ this - but it might be a laugh.

Now - to the meat of this entry !

Man - I just saw that some board-game company in Canada got the rights to re-issue 'Titan'. Wow - I never thought that would happen. I'm not sure that Titan would REALLY be my kind of game ... but I'm tempted to get it to sort of have a link to a piece of gaming history.

You'd be bummed if you'd just spent in excess of $200 USD to get a old school Avalon Hill copy though wouldn't you ?

In the 'what the hell?" zone though - I just read on-line that Fantasy Flight Games are going to re-issue the classic "Dune" board-game ( yay ! ) - only it WON'T be "Dune" ( freaking HUH ???? ).

Turns out that FFG, for whatever reasons, can't get the Dune license to do it. Why ? Who the hell knows - most likely reason is that the gaming rights have ALREADY been sold to someone else who is going to do something infinitely more crap with it.

So - instead, they're going to use the same game MECHANICS, only set in the Twilight Imperium universe.

Personally - I don't see that working all that well. Part of the appeal of the old game is to play the warring factions of the Dune story ... I don't think the alien races of TI are really going to cut it ( mind you - I've not actually played TI, so I can't say that categorically ). And I don't think that either sandworms or a quasi-mystical spice played much of a part in the TI game, so I have no idea what they're going to do there.

Sigh. So close to getting a new 'Dune' and yet so far.

I signed the on-line petition in support of FFG, but I doubt it will have much of an effect. You should sign it to ! The spice must flow !

I should just pony up the cash to get a copy on E-Bay maybe. It's not that much more for a present-day game I guess.

/geeky board-game related stuff.

I've been working on a couple of other 'Critical Mass' comic strips - one 3 panel ( already scanned and cleaned up - awaiting colour and text ) and one full page semi-origin story ( 80% penned - would be finished, but stupid arty pen ran out. Feck ). Hopefully you'll be able to see them soon !

Right - tired now. Sleep.

Meet the soldier !

Oh sweet ! The next "Meet the character" video promoting "Team Fortress 2" has just gone on YouTube by the look of things. Watch it ! WatchitwatchitwatchitwatchitWATCH IT !!!

And make sure you see "Meet the Heavy" too - if you haven't already ( and if you haven't - what's WRONG with you ? I mean - do you have some kind of LIFE or something ??? Yeesh ! )

Happiness is Warm Pencil Karma

I forget who is was who first introduced me to the concept of pen karma ( though I get the feeling it may have been the great sage Spaceman Jack Dee ) - roughly the idea goes that you are either in a good or bad karmic cycle with your relationship with biros. When it's good - they just COME to you. No matter what you do - you have a steady supply of pens on hand. Conversely, when you have bad pen karma nothing you do will stop you losing, misplacing or having your pens lost.

Being a teacher is GREAT for your positive pen karma. I am always picking up pens after a class - no matter what it be, or even if we've WRITTEN anything that lesson or not.

I've just been sorting through my secret cache of pens and checking which are worth keeping and which simply don't work or are beyond their prime, and I noticed an interesting thing - pretty much all the coloured pencils I've acquired through the turning of the wheels of fate are in the warm spectrum. Get a load of this colour breakdown :

Orange - 4
Red - 3
Brown - 4
Yellow - 3 ( well - one is more gold I guess )
White - 1
Green - 1
Blue - 1 ( but hopelessly smashed - had to be thrown away )

Weird eh ? I wonder why that is ? Maybe the warm tones are less noticeable on the carpet in the class rooms, or perhaps the warm spectrum colours are more expendable is the world of colouring in these days. I know from my own past that the 'blue' and 'black' were highly prized colours ( blues used for your steel armour and swords, black general shading and outlines ).

For those of you interested - the pens I've gathered so far this year number 27 :

Blue - 14
Black - 6
Red - 7

And that doesn't count the ones I've actively using in my pencil case. And NO - none of them are named ( okay - some of the pencils WERE and I just trimmed off the names with a craft knife, but those were only because they were bastards and I was simply doing the will of karma ).

'Abandoned Muffins'

The lights come up on our stage. Seraph stands center, dressed in beatnik gear - complete with beret and sunglasses. There is a figure in a pigeon costume behind him, stage left. The pigeon-person is also wearing a beret and sunglasses, and is, inexplicably, holding a saxophone. It begins to play a mournful dirge on the sax. Stage-right is a third figure in a wombat outfit ( also with beret and sunglasses ) who punctuates the sax with semi-random hits on a set of bongos.

A small Victorian side table is flown from the ceiling. On it is a plate piled with mini-muffins, blue-green with mold.

Seraph :

Egg. Milk. Butter -
melted
With the
heat of

fra
ter
nal

love.

Flour from the thresh-ed wheat
sifted for a festive ...
treat.

With powder ( of the baking kind )
and salt - sprink...
ELD ... into the bowl we find
Under the kitchen skin.

Spatula !

SPAT - U - LA !

Fold till moist -
moist -
moist as the mist-draped morning.
But WHAT.
What MOURNING...
... for you ?
Abandoned muffins ?
Puff-balled bites of gall-stained bakery ?

Who knows your passing ?

The penicillin thread needles through your
mashed-banana
blueberry
heart
and dark
chocolate bones -
confectionery white chocolate blood cell count
PLUMMETS ...
... into cancerous
for
get
full
ness.

No more
pain
where you cats are ...


Seraph pulls a sledge-hammer from behind him, and when a scream which might be rage and might be despair, brings the hammer into a sweeping overhead arc, smashing muffins, plate and table into a mangled twisted wreck.

Silence.

All three bow to scattered, hesitant applause.

Lights fade to darkness.

See ya Paddy...

My grandfather died a couple of weeks ago. He got hit with pneumonia pretty hard ( and he'd already had it earlier in the month ) and he pretty much just checked out very suddenly.

It's all very sad. He was the only grandfather I had - my Italian grandfather died with my dad was just a kid, so I never knew anything about him.

I've been trying to think of the things that really stood out for me in his time on this planet.

I remember him freaking out and getting VERY cross with me when I was small for bringing a cow skull into their house ( which, in retrospect, was a fair enough response. I have only vague memories of the skull itself - but I do remember having to mostly dig it out of the ground - so it can't have been a very pleasant thing. I think at the time I had thought it was 'pretty neat, though why is beyond me now ).

I remember him having a fairly minor win in lotto while we were down ( $100 or so - not much ), and when he got the cash he immediately gave me and my sister $20 each - which I remember thinking was very generous of him ( I think I use it to buy the first book of the Steve Jackson "Sorcery!" fighting fantasy books - which came with it's own separate spell book. That was pretty cool ! ).

When I was staying with him and my uncle down South before hitting the Christchurch teachers college, I remember how he used to INSIST that I have a fish fillet from the fish and chip shop when he was getting the order together - because they were SO amazing. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I thought they tasted worse than raw pig uterus.

I do remember that he made freaking awesome sausages. Dear god in heaven, they were the lobster thermidor of the small goods world !

I don't remember what his real voice sounded like though. He got his voice-box removed years ago and had to use one of those buzzer things. It was freaking hilarious when he misplaced it or, even funnier, when the batteries started to go and he'd end up sounding like a darlek going through puberty - all squeaky highs and burbling liquid lows. It took a massive amount of self-control not to laugh when either of these situations occurred ( or at least not laugh until you managed to make it far away enough that he wouldn't hear ! ). South Park was JUST being shown on channel 4 while I was living with him and my uncle, and there was much fun had trying to get him to say "Were you in Da-Nang ?" in the style of Jimbo.

And now he's gone. The ole fella lived to be 81, so he had a good run I guess. He lived to see me and my sister graduate and get our teaching diploma and doctorate respectively, saw me married as well as both of his own kids, and was around for a good part of my little cousins Annie and Grace's lives. Didn't get to see any great grandchildren - sorry man !

I delivered a reading at the funeral mass ( something from the Book of Job, I forget which book and verse ), and was a pallbearer as well. He was buried with his engraved beer jug from the local hotel resting on the top of his coffin, which gave we pallbearers the extra challenge of lowering the casket into the grave without tipping the jug off and smashing it. Fortunately we managed to lower it with jug intact. I kept getting marcarbe images of Tetris flashing into my head as I lowered the suspension straps down inch by inch. I'm not sure what my grandfather would make of that !

The food at the wake was pretty much entirely sandwich or deep-fried, which did nothing to help my current weight loss programme. Still - there are those who would say that this is no bad thing ( right mum ? ;) )

I spent the rest of the time before we drove back to the airport playing weird balloon games with my wee three year old cousin Annie. Then she discovered an even BETTER game which involved running at me from another room, and leaping on me. Fun fun fun ! Normally I wouldn't put up with such abuse - but I cut the kid some slack.

As I said - all very sad, but it just goes to remind you how transitory life is, and how we should dance while the music plays.

See you later Paddy - happy trails.

Based on a true story !

So - this essentially happened to me at the last parent / teacher interview. I had this parent of a dead-beat skater kid who kept asking me again and again and AGAIN how I could make him stop being a dead-beat skater and start caring about his education !
I kept telling him that I DIDN'T KNOW ! If I freaking KNEW - I would have DONE whatever it FREAKING WAS to make him NOT be such a freaking skating LOSER.
I DID consider telling him to give him a decent smack in the head ( just not with an Antarian XJ-9 Electro-Doomfist ).

Critical Mass was a guy I invented a few years ago. He was a superhero type who's power was being mindlessly violent. We might see more of that now he's a teacher. Of sorts. I'm not sure why he's a teacher now. Seems a good an idea as any.

Hmmm ... the colours seem to have changed slightly. I kinda like C-M better with blue hair now !

Additional - Double Hmmmm ... the pic seemed to disappear ! How odd. I've tried posting a different version - maybe this will work ...

This requires a delicate hand ...

There are a lot of things I like a lot about teaching. Everyday is different, there's heaps of variety and when you have a good day teaching - it's a pretty freaking good day.

I've often wished that I could JUST teach though - if there were a way of removing all the OTHER job aspects that come with the territory ( social worker, cop, detective, warden, mediator, janitor, etc ).

I find myself put in a delicate situation today. I have a student in my English class - academically challenged, a bit of a slacker in previous years - but trying now, a nice enough guy. He's going through a bit of an 'emo' phase - which I've found mildly amusing. Up to this point anyway.

Y'see - he wrote a short story for a creative writing task that featured some fairly strong suicide themes. "Ooooooooooo - that ain't good" thought I. "Now what do I do?". Do I talk to this guy and see what's up ? I don't really feel qualified for that ! Do I refer him to someone else ? It's only a story after all - I don't want to waste people's time here. I didn't quite know what would be the right course of action. And if I do sitch this kid up like a kipper to the Chaplaincy team and it's nothing, what is this kid going to do ? I got stuck dithering essentially.

Then today while we were in the library for sustained silent reading - I noticed that he was reading a book about suicide - y'know, one of those 'social problem' texts like 'The Great Brain Robbery'. I got in touch with the Chaplain straight away and registered my concern about him as a potential suicide risk.

It's probably nothing and there's nothing to worry about - but I'm not going to risk it. Screw that - if I left it alone and it turns about this kid tops himself I hate to think what I'd feel like. It was bad enough a a few years back when a kid I had taught the previous year killed himself. I hadn't even seen the guy for two terms, and I just kept thinking "Was there something I could have done ? Was there something I should have seen? Was there any way I could have stopped it ?". I was pretty shook up, I can tell you.

All in all I'd rather not have to deal with this kind of stuff / responsibility really. Just let me teach you - you stupid bastards ! Is that so hard ?

Sheesh.

Sweet sweet karma !

At the end of last term I had a run in with a certain student. He was told three times on two consecutive days that he was not to be in the performing arts block ( juniors wreck up the place and have been banned ). He kept coming in - and I gave him a detention ( with four or five others who were also there ). He didn't turn up to my fifteen minute detention - so I passed it on to the Director of Junior School, who slapped him with an hour school detention.

He bleated on about how he was being picked on by me, how I was too mean, how he hated me ( becasue I obviously hated him ), and how he would leave school if he ever had a class with me again. There was a LONG protracted discussion ( which just went around and around and around ... ). I was very angry. I was very angry for the first three days of the holidays actually - it just wouldn't get out of my head.

Cut to today.

Kid is shooting an ad in his performing arts class - and is acting as a professional skateboarder endorsing a energy bar. He is going to perform simle jump from top of set of concrete stairs. He is advised by his teacher ( not me - but who was also drawn into the fray )that maybe having some sort of safety gear on would be a WISE course of action. "Nah man !" this kid replies. "I know what I'm doing!"

Camera runs.

Another kid does skateborad trick. Pulls it off fine.

Anger-generating kid goes to to trick.

He loses his footing and falls down the stairs, slamming his face into the concrete.

On film.

Film is shown after school to Mr. Seraph, who proceeds to scream with laughter until he can't breathe, demands it gets played twice more, wants copy on hard-drive and is considering putting it on YouTube.

I KNOW that it's 'shameful joy' and I KNOW I shouldn't laugh at the misfortune of others, and I KNOW that even now I am angering the Lords of Karma myself.

But man - That was so SO funny. And it's not like he got any SERIOUS damage ... he did fall on his head after all ! Ha ha ha !!!

That made my freaking WEEK !

Harry Potter 7 Death List

Right - with only a matter of scant days left before 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows' is released, I'm going to make my predictions on who may very well end up getting capped. Taking a dirt nap. Dying.

Here are my top five :

1. Lord Voldemort

Yes yes - obvious I know. But let's face it - it's a cert ! There's no way he ISN'T going to die. I guess the big question is - will Harry end up going too ? Personally, I don't think so. But the big V - he's SO dead. Serves him right too.

2. One of the Weasleys

There are LOADS of them ! ONE is bound to get zorched just due to the law of averages. With Dumbledore gone - the Weasleys are pretty much Harry's only surrogate relatives ( which puts a bit of a banjo-strumming swing on his relationship with Ginny ... ). I'd put money on Ron and Bill making it out alive ( Bill already got a face full of werewolf fury - no point in going over old ground ! ) - though I'd have to say that one of Fred or George could well check out - or even Ginny. Was anyone else a little unsatisfied about the way the Cho Chang thing worked out ? I hope that gets sorted out in book 7.

There's an outside chance that Mr. or Mrs. Weasely could die ... but that would be pretty cold ! Some of my students have suggested that they'd LIKE to see Percy die, in some sort of suitably redemptive way of course.

3. Neville Longbottom.

The cross-hairs are pretty firmly locked on Neville - and he certainly is in danger of going the same way as his folks. He's been getting steadily more competent ... but Bellatrix could take him without breaking a sweat.

4. Draco Malfoy

I hope Draco doesn't die. I always kinda hoped that he's have some revelation in the last stories and become one of the goodies, kinda like Snape. I'd really like to see him change. And the events of the last book show, I think anyway, that he has the capacity to. May even WANT to. If he does die - then I get the feeling he will be fighting on the right side - and Voldemort is gonna kill him.

5. Severus Snape

I desperately hope that Snape lives. I REALLY REALLY do. I am firmly in the 'Snape is a Good Guy Really' camp. Snape killed Dumbledore because Dumbledore TOLD him too. They need someone on the inside of the Death-Eaters, and if Snape hadn't zapped Albus - then Snape would have died ( unbreakable vow held with Narcissa ), with all sorts of terrible consequences ( like the Dark Lord knowing that they're operations had been compromised for one ! ).
You'll see. Snape will end up saving Harry's butt again. I just hope it doesn't cost him his life ( cos L.V. is going to be gunning for him then ! And how ! ) although I get the horrible sinking feeling that it will.


So - there's the death-list ! Now - to play the waiting game and see how right I am !

Post-Holiday Blues

Well - back to work. I guess it was too good to last. Sigh.

It's been a week since Viva and I got back from the Gold Coast. Perhaps I should say something about the trip :

- Things got off to a rocky start when BOTH Viva and I accidentally set our alarm clocks to PM rather than AM. Were supposed to be at the airport at 5am - by some stroke of fortune happened to wake up and glace at the clock at just past five. Cue loud swearing, mad sprinting around house and the fastest trip from Ngaio to Wellington airport on record. Not fun !
- Had a tube of toothpaste confiscated from me at customs because it COULD have been a bomb component.
- Our hotel room in Surfers' Paradise was on the 27th floor. Had fun creeping up to the edge, peeking over and seeing hopw long I could stay before my vertigo crippled my knees ( turns out to be about 11 seconds ).
- Dream-Land okay. I think experiencing Disneyland as a boy has ruined all other theme-parks for me though. Spent a LOT of time waiting for a 2 minute ride. Didn't want to go to another theme park after that day.
- Saw a lot of Ibis birds around the place. They're cute - in a gawky looking way.
- Pacific-Fair shopping mall is ludriciously big.
- Dracula's cabaret / dinner thing was fun.
- My throat got infected pretty badly. Thought it was just a sore throat - but it got steadily worse until it was really painful to swallow anything other than water or ice-cream ( and while the all ice-cream diet DOES have its appeal - I didn't want to put on THAT much weight while I was away ! ). Had to see a doctor on the Thursday, Viva was sick of me complaining and being pitiful. Medicine was great ! Okay by next day.
- Australian TV is REALLY bad...
- Best holiday bargain - picked up DVD of Russ Myer's "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" for ONE australian dollar ! Whoop ! ... and that's about all I got really. Viv did MIGHTY amount of shopping. I try not to think about it !
- Most pain suffered - managing to avoid doing a belly-flop when diving into the indoor hotel pool ( which would have been bad ) by somehow executing a GROIN-flop instead ( ... much much worse ). Probably good that I couldn't breathe for a moment or two - as I would have drowned.

As always though - it was great to come home. Hix did another great job in looking after the house and Shadow - and many props go to him.

Right. Off home now. Sick of being at work !

They grow up so fast...

Hey Y'all ! Back in the country again. Trying to catch up with work now. Yay.
More on the holiday later - had to share this with you.

A lady from our health and fitness class told us this gem her six ( repeat, SIX ) year old daughter had said - that she couldn't wait to be a teenager because then she'd be able to have "a cellphone AND boobies"

Hilarious ! And oddly terrifying.

Outta here !

By some cosmic freak alignment of planets - I have somehow survived the last week of skool with brain reasonably intact. Even had enough hand-eye coordination to finish "Prince of Persia - The Two Thrones" ( which was pretty good ! ).

Typically the first day of the hols I am ravaged by a sore throat given to me by some little Typhoid Mary. Bastards. I've got a fair idea of who it probably is too ... I'm going to have to sneak up and punch them in the kidneys sometime and blame it on a convenient year 7 student ( hopefully one I don't like - but beggars can't be choosers ! )

Viv and I off to the Gold Coast tomorrow morning. Yay ! I plan to ride many roller coasters.

Until next week then !

XXX

My NEW plan !

If I run amok in Upper Hutt with a semi-automatic weapon - they CAN'T make me finish my junior reports !

Ha ha ha ha ha !!!

And it IS Upper Hutt ! There isn't a court in the land that'll convict me !

Sweet suffering chilli beans - why have I never thought of this before ?!?!!

It's GENIUS !




... and isn't 'amok' one of the greatest words EVER ? I must use it more in conversation.

HD vs. BluRay

So - Viv tells me that HD will be the format of the masses soon. BluRau will shrivel and die and the consuming fires of the HD storm of burningness, shrieking "But why !? WHY??!?! WHY MAMA ?? WE DID GOOD !! We did good mama ! Why we burn now ?!"

And the answer lies in, of all things, porn.

Yeah - nothing to do with pixels, RGB definition, refresh rates or anything technical. Just dirty, filthy pawn-ogg-row-phee.

Golly.

The SAME thing happened with VHS and Betamax. Beta was, when it came down to specs, the superior system. However - the porn industry pretty much exclusively used VHS. Result - the horror of burning damnation for Beta.

That's really gotta be VAST amounts of salt in a very nasty wound - rubbed in with one of those spinny floor-polishing thingies.

Might be time to reconsider getting a PS3... Ah - who cares, I'll get a PS3 when the fecking prices comes down a bit, porn or no.

I'll just have to get a xb360 for all my porn needs.

At least I'll finally be able to play 'Dead Rising' and 'Halo3' !!! ;)


*** Seraph takes no responsibility for his wife's porno theory of why Betamax failed and is merely reporting the story as he hears it. Any terse comments extoling other theories ( or documented facts ) will have nasty comments about their fashion sense whispered about them at fashionable high society parties the moment I ever get invited to one.

An example of what I have to deal with

It's the last lesson with my year 8 performing arts class. Half the class are away at a sports exchange - so I decide to teach them how to play that timeless classic - charades .

They were enjoying it well enough - but man ! These guys just DON'T listen !

Case in point. Team 2 had just watched Team 1 ALMOST get their clue. They have a chance now to pick up the point.

"Right guys - you can pick up that point here if you can tell me their title. Let's review. It's a SONG. It has THREE WORDS. The FIRST word is 'beds'. The THIRD word is 'burning'. You know that the SECOND word is something fairly small. So, it's "Beds something burning". You've got ten seconds to decide on what you think it is." I say.

The ten seconds go by to much frenzied whispering.

"Okay guys - what do you think it is ?"

As one - like the tortured souls of the Abyss - they howl out at me -

"THE ROOF IS ON FIRE !!! THE ROOF IS ON FIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE !!!"

Freaking hell. And they wonder why there's a teaching shortage. Some kids just need a good smack upside the head - I don't care WHAT Sue Bradford says.

Goofing off - 'Sky High'

I swear - I keep thinking things like "...If I were to accidentally fall out the window and suffer multiple compound fractures ... then I wouldn't have to write any more reports !"

I'm so freaking sick of doing them !

Oh well - 2/3's of one class left. Hopefully I'll be out of here before six ( as I have to also set up some staging for a series of performances in my junior perfoming arts classes tomorrow - yay ).

I'm just so bad at staying focused on these things. I always find some way to get distracted and goof off on things which I shouldn't be wasting time doing. Like right now ! I shoudln't be writing this ! I should be writing how Student X needs to be more focused on his assessment tasks ( and no - the irony ISN'T lost on me ... ).

One quick recommendation before I go then - the movie "Sky-High". Quite possibly one of the best Super-Hero films I've seen ! It certainly schools a bunch of the 'proper' ones by a LONG way ! Jenni recommended it to me - and I got it in a DVD sale ages ago, I just got round to watching it last night ( ie - more goofing off ).

While I guess it's a kids film - it's pretty freaking great ! The messages and plot twists are farily obvious, but still are executed with charm and humour. Well worth a watch. I give it 4 spandex suits out of five.

Right - back to the linguistic torture that is report writing ...

In no particular order ...

I have been neglecting my duties as a member of the blogosphere and not updating with the vaguely interesting things I have done of late. Alas ! Many dark tasks have been thrust upon my by the dastardly education system !

NZQA NCEA Moderation !!

Marking !!

Reports !!!

Indeed - a grim weekend awaits me where I do NOTHING but these three things ! NOTHING! Yea - I shall be stuck behind yon freaking monitor for hour after lonely hour, with the occasional scream of frustration in between the long stretches of tapping at the keyboard and sobbing inconsolably.

Verily - it will suck donkey balls.

Here's a brief run down of other stuff in no particular order -

- Went to the 48 hour finals ! It was fun ! ( apart from the 40 minute or so lull where the equipment crapped out. That was pretty crap. Ironically - it happened just after the 'MC' had just been saying that they hadn't been plagued with technical difficulties this year. Hmmmm. ) I shall try to do a mini review sometime soon like Jenni did.

- Shot a small 'chase' film with Conan and some other people in prep for Conan's 'Winding City' story. That was pretty cool. Amazing what you can do in only a few hours really.

- Weight is now down to 79.3kg !! Holy crap ! Almost lost 20kg from when I started !

- Am trying to learn how to use illustrator properly. It can so AMAZING things !

- Have got a mac computer now ! ( still have a pc though ! ). It's very pretty / cool. Got it off my pal Jamie when he moved to Australia a couple of weeks back. Sad that it took such a drastic measure to get one ... I miss Jamie. :(
Still, I hardly got a chance to see him while he WAS here - so I don't know that I'm in such a position to feel that way ...


Right - now to try and catch up on some marking I need to do so I can then do my reports.

When does the hurting stop?

Knickers!

Well - the 48 hour film results were in this morning - and, shock and horror!, we didn't make it. This was hardly a surprise though.

What was a little more disappointing was that we didn't get the runner-up audience fav of our heat - I thought we had a real shot at that. Turns out they liked the revenge seeking hedgehog more ( and to be fair - I liked that one a lot too ! ). :(

Never mind ! I never entered to win the glittering prizes and accolades. Though I DO enjoy glittering prizes and accolades ...

Commiserations to 'Jenni's Angles' - who also didn't make the finals, and also to 'Cow Wins !' and all the other teams I know.

Hey - I'm looking forward to the mini-festival though !

Soap script

After a restful weekend I find myself still feeling weary and jaded. So - here's something creative I prepared earlier ! This was a wee practice script I put together in preparation for the 48 hour film competition. The components were :

Character - Lynsey Rogers - compulsive risk taker
Prop - Toothbrush
Dialogue - "I've done this a million times before" *

The genre I randomly rolled up at the time was 'soap opera'. I really didn't want to do soap opera so I sneakily rolled again. Wham - soap opera a second time ! Damn. Not wanting to anger the gods of scripts - I set to writing a more American soap - rather than a dismal Brit / NZ style one. I came up with this - I rather liked it !



Title credits – big, brassy title music – v. big time American in the vein of “Dallas”

“Big-Cash-Sex-Infidelity-ville”

Series of character shots and titles

VO - Lynsey Rogers – CEO of Globatek INC and International Playboy

Shot of a sauve looking guy in a fancy suit – at a business table / at a black jack table / reclined on a dining table with a glass of champaign

VO - Portia Mammon

Heir to the Mammon family billions, animal rights campaigner and automatic weapon enthusiast
Raven haired young woman in a ball dress looks at camera in smoldering way / protesting with a ‘fur is murder sign’ / shooting at ninjas with a large assault rifle

VO - Dr. Giacomo Ricotta

Genius doctor / humanitarian / tennis pro

A square jawed, clean-cut type diagnosing young child – giving them a lollypop / working in a soup kitchen / acing an opponent

VO - Sylvia Tease

Sex kitten

Shot of a cat rolling around on its back ( like Shadow does** )


VO - Randy Esophagus

dragster / rebel / pastry chef

guy with an eye-patch revving up his car / involved in a fight with nuns / throwing pastry against kitchen wall


VO - Previously on “Big -Cash-Sex-Infidelity-ville”

Lynsey on phone – “I want to buy out all your shares in Mammon Inc.
Randy – What makes you think I’ll sell to YOU, Lynsey ?”
Lynsey – Because I know who your biological mother is …
Randy – What ???
Lynsey – And I’m willing to bet that you’ll want to find out.
Randy – DAMMITT Lynsey ! You’re taking a hell of a risk crossing me !

Portia – ( holding up link of sausages ) Who would do this to my chauffeur ?”
Sylvia – Meows
Portia – NO ! It CAN’T be TRUE !
Sylvia – Purrs

Randy – You didn’t REALLY graduate from the university of Milan, did you ? DID YOU ?
Dr. Giacomo – You are correct Mr. Esophagus, though if you want help with your white blood cell count, you’ll keep quiet about that !
Randy – You BASTARD ! ( he punches him )

Severe looking secterary type – Lyndsey – you can’t possibly risk all of Globatek capital on Portia not going through with the marriage to your chief business rival !
Lyndsey – ( drunkenly ) DAMMITT ! It’s MY multinational corporation and I’ll do what I like with it !
Secretary – slaps him – Are you always so reckless ?
Lynsey – Grabs her in a wild embrace – Always …

They collapse in wild animal passion out of frame

VO – And now – this weeks episode …

Shot of opulent lounge / living room – Lynsey is on the phone

Lynsey – And I’M telling you Melvin – you’ll put that slush fund stock equity into those municipal bonds or by GOD I’ll make sure you never work again !

Portia bursts in while tinny voice protests on phone

Phone Voice – Jesus H Christi Senior Rogers ! The risks ! They are grande !

Lynsey – Don’t ever talk to me about risk Melvin ! Slams phone down Portia ! You’ve got a lot of nerve coming here – after your neat piece of back-stabbing in the ‘Sparkle Dental supplies” corporation deal !

Portia – I didn’t think you were that … sensitive, Lynsey.

Lynsey – You’re a cold hearted bitch Portia – even I wouldn’t have staged a hostile take-over of Sparkle holdings while I still in mourning !

Portia – You’re still grieving for that secretary – even after Randy revealed her as a South American war-criminal on the run !

Lynsey – The heart is slave to no board room dammitt Portia !

Portia – She was a MAN !

Lynsey – LIES ! ALL LIES !

Portia – I haven’t come to wash your dirty laundry in the closet Lynsey … I just came to drop off this …

Lynsey tosses a toothbrush with the logo “Sparkle” printed on it.

Lynsey – Dammit Portia – what in the name of all that’s holy is THIS ?

Portia – A little ‘no hard feeling’ gift from my new acquisition. Ciao bella.

Lynsey throws a hateful look at her as she leaves – he crushes the toothbrush in his hand as she leaves.

Cut - Portia walks out to Randy – who is waiting in the shadows for her

Randy – Did he take the bait ?

Portia – Hook, line, sinker, angler, row-boat and out-board motor.

Cut – A sterile surgical room

Giacomo is next to a body covered with a sheet. He’s talking on a Dictaphone

Giacomo – I’ve done this a million times … and yet in all of my meteoric career I’ve never seen anything like it – the body bears all the physical, dental and genetic qualities of Portia Mammon – but there’s no way this is possible. Her identical evil twin master dentist sister died in the high rise fire five years ago. There’s only ONE way I can conceive of that could explain this … and I don’t like it.

He goes to pick up the phone – Randy clubs him in the back of the head with an iron bar.

Randy – Sorry doc – can’t let you involve the authorities. Not right now anyway. He flicks open a cell-phone. Make the call.

Cut – Lynsey is heading towards a opulent front door. There is a meow – Lynsey turns.

Lynsey – Sylvia

Sylvia – Meow

Lynsey – That’s right – I’m going to see her. She’s going to apologise. She says she … she still loves me …

Sylvia – Hiss

Lynsey – Of course I believe her ! Why shouldn’t I ?

Sylvia – Meow

Lynsey – How DARE you ! Portia is many things – but I’ll not stand for you calling her a manipulative skank !

Sylvia – Meow

Lynsey – Yes Sylvia – we had something – but I wasn’t the one who threw it all away ? Was I ? WAS I ??? I’m willing to risk my heart again – which is more than you would ever do !

Sylvia – Purr

Lynsey – You’re sick !

He storms out. Sylvia looks at a motor-bike / fast car parked in the drive. She walks out of frame.

Cut.

Lynsey burst into a opulent bedroom.

Lynsey – Portia ! Portia ! I’m here ! Where are you ? … Oh my GOD !

He sees Portia’s body on the floor of the bedroom – there are many toothbrushes impaling her body in a murderous kind of way.

Lynsey – PORTIA !!! NOOOOOOO !!!!

Two detective burst in and tackle Lynsey

Detective 1 – Lynsey Rogers – You’re under arrest for the murder of Portia Mammon.

Lynsey – What ? No ! I didn’t do anything !

Dectitive 2 – Anything you say can and will be used as evidence against you.

Lynsey – No ! Portia ! NOOOO !!!
He is dragged out.

Cut.

An opulent dining room – Randy and ‘Portia’ clink Champaign together.

Randy – To a job well done … Alexis !

Portia / Alexis – Yah darling. Two birds with one stone !

Cut to Giacomo – standing at door – training a gun on them ( his head is heavily bandaged )

Giacomo – I knew it was you Alexis ! I should have known as soon as the stem cell thefts began.

Portia / Alexis – Damn you Randy ! I told you to tie him up properly !

Giacomo – He did – only I had a little help …

Camera pulls back – he is holding Sylvia

Randy – Sylvia !

Sylvia – Purr

Alexis – You sanctimonious BITCH ! What do you want !?

Giacomo – Let’s start … with your half of the Inca medallion.

Alexis – How did you know I had it ?

Sylvia – Purr

Giacomo – Yeah – A little bird told us …

VO – Will Lynsey be left to face twenty to life in San Quentin ? Will Dr. Giacomo find the secret Inca treasure of the lost world ? Who IS the body in St. Augustine’s Hospital ? And will Alexis and Randy have the last laugh. ? Join us again next time for “Big-Cash-Sex-Infidelity-ville” and find out !

End



* - Thanks to Debz for the 48hr elements shamelessly ripped from her blog!

** - If you didn't know - Shadow is our wee cat. She has a habit of rolling around on her back in what has been described, on occassion, as a 'slutty' fashion.

48 Hour Madness !

WOW ! That was one rocking weekend ! Also a weekend of VERY limited sleep and nail-biting terror at times, but one hell of a good time as well ! I speak of course of the 48 Hour Film Competition !

This year, as I've presiously said, I broke away from my first comp team and started my own - REBEL FACTION ! While I missed the old team greatly - it was SUCH a good idea ! I ( for one anyway ) was involved in SO much more creatively, which was just fantastic.


The elements this year were :

Character - Jerry Reed, a hypochondriac

Prop - A rope

Dialogue - "What do you call that?"



Our genre was educational or religious film.



Bubbajay and I kicked around a few ideas to start ( including a halarious idea of militant ninja priests which would have got us lynched by the Catholic community ) before settling on a secret instructional film from PharmaTech industries called "Hypochondriacs - The Walking Goldmines !", which we thought was pretty funny.



We had some set backs during filming - notabaly the school's ( location where we were going to do all out primary filming ) open-day not finishing till really late ... and then finding out there was going to be regional BRASS freaking BAND regional cometitions in the building where we were filming the NEXT DAY were not helpful. BUT - the team rallied together and we made sure that we got all our major filming done before that happened ( we wrapped up at just midnight ).



For newbies - we had a really killer team - and I was so proud / happy with what everyone brought to the weekend. I had a few lessons taught to me that I'll take with me to next time - but the whole experience was outragiously positive ! My three objectives were :



1 ) For everyone to have fun

2) To finish a film

3) To hand it in on time



We did all three ! Yay ! It couldn't have been done without all you guys in the team - so a BIG thank you from me !!



Now - I'm going to sleep some more ! Check out Conan's blog for a far more detailed account of the weekend !

Robin Hood, Robin Hood - riding through the land !

I have been sick today. Partly due I think to the school production - it was seriously doing a number on me last week. That was, of course, production week. Tres stressful. It didn't help that the LEAD actor was sick as a dog on the last dress rehearsal night before we opened. Yours truly had to step in and play the part that night ( always remember to warm up your voice properly before engaging in any major acting role kids ! Losing your voice for a good part of the following day when you're a teacher is NOT a good look ! ).

Still - the whole thing was very successful and positive. Who would have predicted that ? Not I - two weeks ago I was ready to slash my wrists at the impending DOOM of awfulness that I was sure the show was going to be. ...Oh alright - I didn't think it was going to be THAT bad - but I didn't think it was going to be as good as it was - which was 'very', even if I do say so myself !

Highlights :

- The producer telling the assembled cast of 60 - 70 teen boys and 4 specially imported girls to go to the green room and "take your clothes off". Much laughter.

- The minor characters who stole the show - ESPECIALLY the "handmaids" of Marion - guys in drag are ALWAYS crowd pleasers for some odd reason ...

- Having one of the kids who was totally new to acting come to see me afterwards and ask if there were any other productions going on that I knew about. Nice to see students get excited about drama and acting.

It'll be nice to have a lunchtime spare at work for a bit now ! No more freaking rehearsals ! Yay !

Right - I'm going to go hide under a blanket, whimper pathetically and try to stem the "Exorcist" level ectoplasmic goo that is fountaining from my nasal orifice.

Gotta get better for the 48 hour film comp ! Man - I'm getting excited about that !

Wounded Knee

Gaargh ! My freaking KNEE man ! The pain !

Actually - it's not so bad today ... but it's still no picnic. I don't know what the hell is wrong with it - only I can't run for long distances without it flaring into a supernova of hurtyness ! And that's bad ! For a start it means the the 1/2 marathon that I was going to try and run is looking pretty much out of the question. Damn. ( and I'm being SERIOUS too - I really did want to jog that ! ).

I spoke to my sister briefly about it ( she has had knee issues too from her sporting endeavours )

Dr. Sis - So - your knee. It is just painful - or does it click ? Is it clicky ?

S. - It's kinda clicky.

Dr. Sis - Right... do you want the bad news or the good news ?

S. - Ahhhh ... hit me with the bad.

Dr. Sis - Sounds like it's cartilage. You might have to have an operation to fix that.

S. - Feck ! What's the good news ?

Dr. Sis - The operation isn't TOO bad. You might only have to have it once !

Great.

Viva has booked me to see a podiatrist on Friday. I'm still not entirely sure WHY I'm going to a freaking podiatrist - it's not my FEET that are hurting ! But one of her friends said that all sorts of trouble can be caused by the way you walk ... fair enough - but shouldn't we start by getting a regular medical professional to establish what the actual problem might be FIRST ? I can just imagine what's going to happen :

P - So you're having trouble with your feet ?

S - No - my knee.

P - Why are you seeing me ?

S - My wife thought it was a good idea.

P - Alright then. Ahhh ... so - is there any pain in your feet ?

S - Nope.

P - Do your feet HIT your own knees at all ?

S - No.

P - ... Well I'm out of ideas.

S - Oh.

P - That'll be $120.

S - *screams*

Geekfest 2007!

It was okay.

This was the first time that I went 'stag' to this event - my usual geekfest buddies Andrew and Hix not with me ... or possibly I not with them. I think we just didn't get round to organising a 'party' to sally forth into the belly of the beast.

Things of note :


- Billy D Williams.

Lando himself. Very cool to have seen him in the flesh ... and yet ... kinda not as well. The years have not been kind. It's easy to forget that 'Empire' was 27 years ago - and the guy is pretty old now ! He rambled on about this and that. I didn't know that he is an artist ( y'know - paintbrush kind ) of some renown, or that he was in some movies with Dianna Ross. He is HUGE in the US for these apparently ! Go figure. And he doesn't like pimps. Fair enough. Oh - and he loved "Whale Rider".


- John Rhys Davies

Cripes can this guy get off freaking topic !

Audience member: John - if you had a chance to do 'Sliders' again - would you ?

John: You know - there needs to be a ratio of 7 parts per million of copper in water for life to occur ? That's considerably higher than the 5 parts per million that experts USED to think was the acceptable level.

Seraph: WTF ?

He was interesting and all - but jeepers ! Answer the question man ! And stop telling us we need to have more babies while berating us for having an overpopulated planet at the same time you bearded weirdo ! Cripes !

-Aaron Douglas ( 'Chief' from BSG )

Now THIS guy was great ! He was really interesting and funny. Had this great story about his nine year old son getting REALLY pissed off with him when he was taken on set of BSG because he couldn't get a ride ( ie: actually FLY ) in one of the Colonial Vipers. Classic freaking stuff !

Also had quite possibly the DUMBEST question asked of a sci-fi celeb in my hearing : "What's the difference between the engines of the Battlestar in the OLD series and the Battlestar in the NEW series?" Poorly stifled giggles from around the room. Aaron answers "Y'know - I COULD tell you ... but then the Admiral would come on down and kick my ass. Sorry"

- The Orcon girls

What the hell is going on with these chicks ? Why are they strutting around in Lycra superhero outfits handing me leaflets offering cheaper broadband ? Seriously - there's something deeply troubling about this. There was like, ten of them or more !

-Weta Sideshow Collectible Rayguns

*slaver* Oh pretty pretty ! How I wants one ! I think the 'Man-Melter 3600ZX" was particularly cool ! Pity they're so freaking expensive. Sigh. Oh well.

- Evin Shir Boardgames.

Showed my support by purchasing a very reasonably priced copy of "Ticket to Ride", and Conan even threw in a reduced copy of the expansion ! Yay Conan !

Also learned how to play "War-Machine". If I were inclined to get into a war-game ( which I'm kinda not ) I would be into this one. I love the cool sorta steam-powered robots - and the fact that it seems to be more skirmish battles rather than the 'WarHammer' brand of "spend $500 bucks and you can ALMOST play the game ... maybe" warfare is also nice. I would like to paint one of them model robots some time though ...

- Members of the 501st legion ( Vader's Fist )

Ohhhhhhh-kay. Guys who dress up in Star-Wars gear and ... I'm not sure I know what they do once they're in their gear. I'm not sure I WANT to know. I guess if you HAVE to dress up you can do worse than guys from Star-Wars. But still.

- Other people playing dress-up

Okayokay - COSPLAYERS. Happy ? There are always the weirdos ... umm ... overly zealous I mean ... who get dressed up as just about anything from the geekiverse. Of note were a Xena ( great costume - but didn't actually look a lot like Xena ) and a Night-Elf from WOW ( though she might have been Mystique ... it was hard to tell exactly ).

- Playstation 3

I was vaguely tempted to muscle in and have a go at the Sony stand - but the only game they were playing was some stupid racing game. I don't want RACING ! I want BLOOD ! Jeepers ! You would think they could have put on "Resistance of Man", which seems to be the show-pony of the PS3 so far in this country for a bit ... what's that ? Oh - R16 you say ? ... Well, I guess that would explain that then. Knackers.

- WOW stands

This is where you could 'sample' the dubious delights of the worldwide sensation "World of Warcraft". I stayed the hell away ! This game seems to be the electronic version of crack ! It took me long enough to ween myself off of "Diablo 2" - there's no way I'm touching 'WOW'. If they ever bring out a "World of Diablo" - I am seriously screwed.

- Ludicrous lines for Manga voice stars

They were insane ! INSANE I tell ya ! So long ! All day ! I must admit that I have never seen an episode of 'Naruto'. I hear a select group of students talking about it at school - and I've seen ads for it on Cartoon Network. Looks kinda dopey - but hell, I could be wrong. For some reason I just don't like that much Manga stuff. Fans keep telling me that I haven't seen the right stuff ... but I don't think so. I'm just not overly fussed on the whole thing really. I'm as puzzled as the next guy about that - by all rights I SHOULD. Go figure.


Those are the main things that stick in my mindof the event. It was nice to run into a few people I know and talk. I also purchased a collected edition of "Aeon Flux" on DVD. That was cool. I love Aeon Flux ... didn't understand it a great deal - but loved it anyway. I'll be there again next year !

"Doom" - a mini-review

WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!

Please ! Karl Urban! I KNOW you only did this for the money and exposure - but PLEASE ! I was starting to rate you as an actor after LOTR ! And then you do something like this ! It's "The Irrefutable Truth About Demons" again ! Well - not QUITE as bad, but it gets damn close !

And 'The Rock' ! Oh dear LORD, how TERRIBLE is this guy ? He should have kept his acting limited to the wrestling arena - where I'm sure he's Laurence Olivier in comparison to the other 'entertainers'.

ONLY worth seeing for the 'first person shooter' segment - which was kinda cool, but at the same time ... baffling ! Seriously - play 'Doom3", the plot and intensity are easily ten times better. And I only played it for 15 minutes before I got too scared !

Alchemy

This is one of the reasons I've not written much lately -


It's a painting I did for my sister. It's called 'Alchemy' - all the symbols are do to with substances and processes in alchemy. My sister is a doctor of electrochemistry - I often forget what exactly that means. I know she's done work with conductive plastics and hydrogen fuel cell development. She's awful clever my sister ! Anyway - I hope she likes it.

Coming soon to 'Death From Above" - especially for Jackie Dee, a somewhat belated report on the recent Geekfest ! You know you love it !!!

You say you want a revolution ?

Argh - haven't been able to write much of late ... school - kicking my arse ! ( ... so ... much ... marking ! ... TWO ... nights ... of PARENT / TEACHER interviews !!! ... Freaking ... school ... production ... ARRRGGGHHHHH !!! ). Sorry about that.

BUT. For those who are interested - I have just registered team "Rebel Faction" for this year's 48 Hour Film Competition !!!

I am excited ... and yet terrified !

Jenni ... Hix ... - I'm going to be picking your brains about ... stuff ... very soon I warrant !

I hope I get the educational film genre ! That would be weirdly groovy.

Rebel Faction ?

I've been part of the stellar 48 film competition team "Jenni's Angels" for the last couple of years. And - to be fair - they've been great.

But - with this year's competition fast approaching ... I have been thinking, well, rebellious thoughts. In short - I think I might start a new team.

Why would I do that ? Jenni's Angels are my friends ! They are professional ! They collectively know more about film making than I could even imagine at this point ! Why - it would be total madness to do something like that - wouldn't it ?

And the answer is yes. Which is why it would be a great idea !

Because I DON'T know jack about anything. Because it would be really cool / fun to learn myself. That's the problem with Jenni's Angels now - there's too many people who are good at things. It would be madness to let me anywhere near the delicate inner workings of the collective - so why would they do that ? And I kinda feel like more involvement - I missed being on the writing team last year, I missed acting. Who knows - I might even have a go at something crazy like editing or directing. Jenni's Angels is so big now ( and full of people who are ... y'know ... TALENTED ), I doubt I'd get a look in anywhere anymore.

There's heaps on at school - so maybe this is all just pie in the sky stuff, but I think it would be fun. And school has a few digital cameras and tripods and things. They've got an editing suite too. There's a few staff members who sound pretty keen to get involved ... so 'Rebel Faction Films' might be more a reality than even I suspect at this point.

Although the possibility of not getting myself organised and slinking back to the Jenni's Angels team is also mighty high ... ;)

Seraph's New Obsession

This is going to be the week ( or indeed, the couple of weeks ) from hell at school. I got stupid parent/teacher interviews this week ( AND next week ... yay ) and a WHOLE bunch of marking to get done before Thursday. On top of THAT - there's all the school production stuff I gotta be doing, and then there's just the normal teaching. Eating and sleeping are also in there too at some stage.

So - just a short post before the black rain falls. So to speak.

I find myself getting strangely obsessive again - this time it's the comic series "Scud:The Disposable Assassin". This was a REALLY cool comic - really cool art, and some pretty freaking surrealistic / bizarre stuff going on. The story revolves around Scud - a Heart-Breaker series disposable assassin. You get these things from vending machines - you give them a target, they go off and kill the target. On termination of the target - the disposable assassin explodes.

Scud is given the target of this hugely bizarre monster called Jeff. She has talking knees ( which only ever say film quotes ) and a three pin electric plug for a head. Scud engages in a fight to the death with her - but notices the instruction label he has on his back. Scud does NOT want to die ! So, he puts Jeff into a coma instead. He then has to pay for the hospital bills in order to keep her alive, so he becomes a free-lance assassin. Like I say - pretty bizarre stuff.

I read up to the third graphic novel ( "Solid Gold Bomb" ) and managed to get the third volume. I always meant to get the others ( as well as the side series "Tales From the Vending Machine" - about other disposable assassin models ) from the website - but never got round to it.

I, for some reason, pulled down the volume I had and read it again recently - and remembered how much I loved it and how much I wanted to read the final story arc. I went to the web site - all the old issues out of print. Oh no.

I do a little research. Last story arc was written when the creators life was pretty much falling apart. It ends on a VERY pessimistic note. The FINAL issue was NEVER completed. Many fans very bitter. BUT - it the weird kinda way that these things tend to work out for me, the writer/creator guy - Rob Schrab - is FINALLY completing the last issue and the series. Rejoicing ! And apparently they are going to publish ALL the old comics in one super-volume ! Awesome ! I really hope that includes all the other stuff, like 'Drywall:Unzipped", "The Oswald and Drywall Show" and "Tales From the Vending Machine" ! That would seriously rock.

Just in case - I found someone on E-Bay who was selling a copy of "Drywall:Unzipped" - so I got it. I loved Drywall - I think he was my favourite character. I am kinda getting obsessive about fleshing out my "Scud" collection now.

If you get a chance to read "Scud:The Disposable Assassin" - give it a shot ! It was pretty damn cool. And another thanks to Wanganui Ben - who got me to read it in the first place !

You want me to do what ?

The setting - the building site of the auditorium, on my way from 5th to 6th lesson.

Builder Guy - Hey ! Are you a teacher here ?

Other Builder Guy - Yeah, are you a teacher ? Here ?

Seraph - ( bewildered ) ..... ummmmmm .... yes. Can I help you ?

BG - Yeah - my calculator has gone missing !

OBG - Yeah !

S - ( more bewildered ) Right.

BG - It was down here by the fence ( gestures to HUGE feck-off fence to keep kids from running riot in building zone ).

S - I see.

BG - But now it's gone !

S - Yeah.

( slight pause )

BG - We need it !

OBG - For working out measurements !

BG - We can't do the stuff we need to do without it !

S - Ooooooookay.

( slight pause )

S - What would you like me to do ?

BG - Could you get it back ?

S - ( supressing urge to tell Builder Guy to go to Hell ) ...Right - well, did you see who took it ?

BG - Nope.

S - .... Okay - that DOES make things more tricky.

OBG - We saw some kids run THAT way ( pointing to D-Block - huge series of English class rooms and a library )

S - ... Right.

OBG - And in THERE ! ( points to toilets )

S - Yeah, those are toilets - and they're locked right now. I don't think anyone's going to be hiding in there ...

OBG - But I SAW kids running in there !

S - Gotcha. Ummm ... well, this is a main thoroughfare through the school. ANYone could have taken it. I'm not sure there's a lot I can do...

OBG - We saw kids run UP THERE !

S - Yeah, there are class rooms up there. Students tend to run up there all the time.

BG - Well - we saw kids running that way. ( points up again )

OBG - They RAN. UP there.

S - Okay, I tell you what - I'll ask the classes up there quickly if anyone's seen it. I'm kinda running late for my last class now, so if that doesn't work, I don't think I can help you any more than that, sorry.

BG - That's okay mate.

OBG - ( mumbling ) They RAN up there ....


The weird thing was - the second class I knocked on, a year nine kid pulls out the calculator and hands it right over. He thought some student had dropped it and was going to take it to lost property right after class.

Meh - he had an honest face. I believe him.